Summer Sausage & Pepperoni

Silly Summer

2012-01-24T16:41:00.001-08:00

You probably think it is really easy to get a picture like that (above) because she is my daughter after all and she is use to taking pictures right? Well little did you know the time involved to make her look so cute. I spend hours upon hours photo shopping her into something that looks more like a little girl and less like a crazy silly monster she really is (photos below). I mean, look at the magic I can create with a little photo editing, I am pretty awesome am I not?

One of my favorites

2012-01-23T09:15:00.000-08:00

I like entering photos in the I Heart Faces weekly challenges. This week the theme is "by the book" and one of my favorite photos of Summer was taken when she was 18 months old while she was reading a book and looking really cute in her red leotard and tutu. We loved this photo so much we blew it up and hung it on the wall. I can't wait for Pepper to get bigger so we can try to recreate this photo.

If you can believe it, I took this photo at night in my upstairs bathroom using a white sheet for the background. The lighting was horrible and the sheet had a ton of wrinkles, but thanks to photo editing it turned out very cute. I also thought it was neat that the page she was reading was also red. Thanks I Heart Faces for the challenge this week!

Addicted

2012-01-22T10:55:00.000-08:00

Hello, my name is Jessica and I have an addiction to taking photos of my children, mostly my youngest as my older daughter can tell me no.

I also have a small addiction to big colorful hair bows ... and wow her eyes sure are blue, I didn't really notice, I wonder if they are going to change and if so, when.

I snapped this, looked into the camera and said out loud WOW HOLY COW those thighs are chunky - and it looks a bit like elephant trunks. Is that nice to say about your daughter?

Then we did a swimming picture, or at least that's what I think of with the pink bottoms and head piece, a swimmer. On a rug, of course you can't really tell its a rug can you?

I call this "in the city" picture. She is wearing a onsie under the outfit so she appears to be a bit bigger than she really is. She looks tough huh.

Ah I just love that little face, she looks so girly when I put the silly head things on her, and better yet she lets me - for now anyway.

Play Mat

2012-01-21T13:33:00.000-08:00

Oh how you love your play mat ... if only you would love it a little less and roll over. Is that too much to ask?

or what about laughing at all those silly toys instead of just talking to them? I know, be patient, you are already growing up too fast.

I love your little ...

2012-01-19T12:56:00.000-08:00

I love your little ...

Pacifier sucking mouth, you make the sweetest noises with it.

Ankles, they are so wrinkly and fun to play with.

Your cheeks, I love kissing those two things!

Your fist, you make one all the time!

Head of hair, what is left of it, it seems to be coming off, at least in the front :o)

Gums, the toothless ones, at least toothless for now!

Ears, poor little dry ears, yet still so small and sweet!

Nose, I love that little nose, even when it gets stuffed up.

Bottom of the foot, how soft and ticklish you are!

Tummy Time

2012-01-18T16:50:00.000-08:00

"The current recommendation for time on the tummy is approximately 30 minutes a day, either all at once or broken up into short segments ranging from a few minutes to longer." per the experts on the internet. I don't know that we are doing quite that much tummy time but we really do try. For the most part Pepper doesn't mind tummy time, at least when she is in the mood. Today she was apparently tired because she immediately found her hand and started to suck and fall asleep.

It was kinda cute and I let her take a little nap on her tummy, while I watched over her.

Here is a video to go with the photos, enjoy!

Two Weeks Later

2012-01-17T17:02:00.001-08:00

Two weeks later and I feel normal. I went to my last doctor appointment today YAY. Here is what the cut looks like today, two weeks later.

And here are some pictures of my sweet little girl, well the bigger one, Summer :o) being all cute before dance class.

She truly is an awesome little girl. It amazes me how well behaved she is, how well she listens (most of the time, unless I want her to pick something up), and how easy it was to bring a new baby into the house. You would think as much attention as little Pepper needs that Summer would get jealous but so far she never has. She somehow understands that Pepper needs a lot of help with everything and that I don't have as much energy anymore - haha ok maybe that is because I am so OLD! Anyway I am just so happy with how everything turned out, I can't wait to see whats coming up in the future!

Tummy Time

2012-01-13T19:07:00.000-08:00

First let me just update on my *boob* situation, it is healing nicely, I barely have to pack it, I won't need stitches because it will heal on its own, oh and it doesn't hurt.

2 Months: Pepper had her two month appointment, she weighed in at 11.7 pounds, is 23 inches long, and is doing great. She got her shots :o( and her face turned SUPER RED and she CRIED but it didn't last long. More importantly I didn't cry, but almost.

Here are some pictures of Pepper doing tummy time this afternoon. Isn't she precious!

She is really getting up there. I also took a few of her just hanging out, of course!

I love this little chubbabub!

Pretty in Purple

2012-01-07T16:39:00.000-08:00

Should babies be so easy? For the past two nights Pepper has slept 6+ hours, then I give her a bottle and she goes another 4, waking around 7 am. I guess the only complaint I have is that I have to sleep right next to her, which I really love, but I don't want to make it a habit. Plus I am getting a lot of sleep myself, we usually lay down around 8, and since we are only waking up once, well I might be getting 9-10 hours a night. I do love my sleep I guess :o)

During the day my baby is just as easy, eating and smiling and almost laughing and napping. She really loves her swing, she loves watching herself in the mirror or watch the spinning colorful alligators spin around. She is just such a happy easy going baby, it almost scares me. My only concern is her weight, she can drink 6 oz and be hungry 2 hours later. Hopefully this evens out soon. We see the doctor on Monday so I will check.

This past week we had a fun purple photo shoot and here are the photos:

Graphic to say the least!

2012-01-05T09:06:00.000-08:00

I hate to say that I have a bad taste in my mouth when it comes to breast feeding, but come on, do you really blame me? I mean for me everything about it was hard! I was in horrible pain for at least 3 weeks, I had bleeding cracked nipples, then when things started to get better I got a clogged milk duct, that turned into mastitis, that lead to 2 rounds of 7-day antibiotics, only to end up with surgery. And that wasn't the worst of it, here I am after surgery with a huge open wound that I have to pack with gauze twice a day. Are you serious? I can't even do it, luckily my wonderful husband has a strong stomach. Sure I am not on any pain meds because for the rest of the day I am not in any pain but when I have to pull the gauze from the hole in my breast it stings and burns. Then when my husband has to pack more gauze in it and it hurts some. I have to do this at least through Monday when I see the doctor again and beg to not do it anymore. Hopefully it is healing well and I can have it sewn up soon because this is no way to live.

In a perfect world I would still be breastfeeding, I wouldn't have to worry about washing bottles, contaminated formula, tummy gas, burping, which size nipple I need, etc, but my world isn't exactly perfect - almost but not quite. Instead I am left with a distant memory of what it was like to nurse, the wonderful bond I didn't actually have because I was in so much pain but I could almost imagine what it would have been like, I can dream of how it might have been, how maybe my daughter would have nursed and would have gotten full and not cried all day ... so for all those women out there that choose not to even attempt to breastfeed you will get nothing but support from me, because if someone would have told me the "what if's" even if it was the worse possible, I got the worse possible what if! And for those of you who have successfully managed to breast feed you should take a moment to be thankful because it is not easy for many women. I know my daughter wasn't latching correctly and even knowing it I couldn't figure out how to correct it. I learned SO much about breast feeding, enough that I feel I could confidently mentor someone who wanted to try it, but I would never do it again, and not because how hard it was, and not because of all the pain, but because of the fear I have now of having this happen (warning - the second picture is VERY graphic):

This is the day before the surgery.

This is the day after the surgery. Go ahead, you can cry for me.

Luckily, in time all this will be behind me. I can't helping wishing we were somewhere two weeks ahead. To think that in 11 hours I have to go into the bathroom, remove the bandage, take the end of the gauze with my fingers and pull the remaining gauze from inside my breast out while it stings, then have my husband reinsert more gauze, makes me sick to my stomach. But I have to do it, I have to try to be strong for myself, for my baby, for my husband, for the doctor. By far this is the worse thing I have ever had to do in my life so far, and hopefully for the rest of my life.

2 Months

2012-01-04T16:21:00.001-08:00

Yesterday Pepper had her "two month" birthday. Unfortunately I also had surgery so I didn't do as much with photos ... well not like we really celebrate. I have to take photos for her monthly picture frame and her baby book and I also have to record her eating habits, her weight/height, etc. It seems like she weighs around 11 pounds on our home scale. Summer weighed about 12 pounds at her 2 month. I still need to measure her length - don't worry I will as soon as she wakes up! Pepper also seems to be eating more than Summer, more often and more ounces, probably because she was starved for 6 weeks, or at least she thinks so. Anyway here is a photo to compare the two babies, can you tell who is who? I thought I had the same outfit but I don't darn it, well, I couldn't keep everything!

I don't think they look much alike ... at least I still have that rug! I like how their little legs are about the same. I have some really cute baby girls! Here is a picture of Pepper smiling earlier today, I guess she likes being two months old, and who can blame her?

New Year, New Surgery?

2012-01-03T18:04:00.000-08:00

New Years came and went, I took pictures like I always do.

Along with a new year came a new surgery. I expected it since my clogged milk duct never went away, and formed an abscess, and my right side of the right breast was dark red. On a whim I also dried up - no more milk - to see if that would help, but it didn't. That wasn't the only reason I stopped nursing, in fact that wasn't even the main reason though it would be a good enough reason, mostly I stopped nursing because Pepper is doing so much better on formula. She never cries anymore except when she thinks she is starving, which is about every two hours (luckily four hours at night). She drinks anywhere from 4-6 oz depending on, well I have no idea what but she is eating very well except she is on a sensitive tummy formula. I realized one night when she was thrashing and moaning and farting that she must have gas and it must be the formula, and probably my breast milk since I was drinking and eating dairy. Now that she is on the new formula she rarely spits up and isn't having horrible gas anymore. Yay for a happy baby, boo for no more nursing. The last time I nursed was on New Years Eve, she drank for about 10-15 minutes and 2 minutes later spit it all back up, or at least it seemed like she spit it all back up.

Of course I am sad but it really is better for the both of us. I am trying to focus on getting me back together, it seems like I have been to the hospital more in the last three months than most people go in a lifetime. Last week I was there three days, so far two days this week and I have to go back tomorrow. I also have an appointment next Monday for Pepper's 2 month check up. Speaking of 2 months, my little girl is 2 months old today!

Not the best picture but what do you expect, I had surgery today!

On closer inspection!

2011-12-28T15:21:00.001-08:00

After careful examination ... or on closer inspection, or upon a thorough review, well you get the idea, I have decided to KEEP her! Sorry - Warning - a LOT of pictures! You only thought you have seen her before :o)

It's almost Christmas!

2011-12-23T15:15:00.000-08:00

I think we are ready! We have a party tonight, Santa will be there :o) as well as lots of good friends and yummy food, and the girls are both ready - at least I think they are.

Summer and I are baking chocolate chip cookies, eating the dough, Pepper is sleeping. I should be taking a shower and getting ready!

Where are we now

2011-12-22T11:51:00.000-08:00

I have been feeling so much better lately, well mostly. I am still on antibiotics for another week in hopes that my clogged milk duct goes away. I am not really hopeful but wishful! I decided a few days ago to start supplementing with formula and WOW what a difference. My little Pepper is a good baby after all. I know there are so many moms who are totally against formula when you have a working pair of boobs but a happy baby is really important to me, and you can ask Kris, Papa, and Summer, on formula she is a different baby. On just breast milk she never seemed happy or satisfied. She constantly cried and I was always trying to find a way to keep her happy, nursing, letting her suck to pacify her, and somehow I managed to stay sane for 7 weeks, but after the trouble with my right breast I decided to let it dry up and just nurse with the right and supplement with formula. Right now I am still nursing mostly all night on the left side and she is still sleeping wonderfully next to me, during the day I let her nurse and when she isn't completely happy I get her a bottle. I am pumping from the right side to see if it might heal up, it still has a scab on the nipple from her horrible latch in the beginning. Well I also don't think she latches on that side correctly, maybe because of the engorged clog on the side or the sore on the nipple, whatever the case is I feel 1000% better now because it was really painful when she would nurse on that side. I would really like to do both, can I have my cake and eat it too? Formula during the day, nursing at night? Of course I am also using the formula that was recently recalled in the news- but I am still using samples that aren't new so hopefully they were prior to the ones with issues and hopefully the samples come back negative so other people don't have to worry. I normally use Similac too, but I had this sample sitting around.

Enough about me and my issues, here are pictures of my fabulous baby girl, happy, smiling, cute, lovely!

I need to try some pictures with Christmas lights, I need to get creative and look at some ideas!~ stay tuned.

Darling Summer

2011-12-21T18:17:00.000-08:00

Darling Summer,

You are my sunshine and I haven't forgot about you. Lately you have been so helpful. You are having fun with Pepper, you don't mind her crying, and you certainly don't mind her dirty diapers. You have had such a busy month with choir and dance rehearsals and performances, I don't know how you manage to do it but I am glad that you enjoy it. Christmas is almost here and you helped me decorate the tree, make flour ornaments, decorate gingerbread houses, and shop for gifts. You asked Santa for a baby doll and a train set this year, and then you told me the Santa at the mall wasn't real - he was just a guy dressed up in a suit. You continue to amaze me on a daily basis, you are so smart. If I had one wish for you it would be that you could brush your own hair to avoid that drama each morning but I know it won't be much longer...

I love you to pieces, this big, even when you make me mad or get in trouble, especially now that I have a new baby, even when you are sleeping, of course when you are playing in your room and I always will. You will always be my favorite Summer, my first, and special to me. I love you :o)

Ouch the Pain

2011-12-15T09:25:00.000-08:00

Clogged milk ducts can be a part of breast feeding, and infected clogged milk ducts (mastitis) can also be a part of it - at least it is a part of it for me. I am now on heavy skin antibiotics in hopes that it clears up on its own so I don't need surgery. I went to the hospital last Friday to complete of all Pepper's paperwork and we saw the doctor about my clogged duct, which hurts really bad, went back Monday and had an ultrasound to make sure it wasn't an abscess, back on Wednesday to talk to the surgeon and I go back tomorrow for my 6 week follow-up. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate driving to the hospital near base? Besides being really far away the parking is insane, and I guess they are working on it but until then it sucks finding a spot.

Breastfeeding may be the natural, better choice but it sure is a lot more complicated, painful, ...

Surprisingly most of the doctors, techs, and nurses are all very supportive of breastfeeding, even the guys. When they meet us and Pepper is crying they tell me their son was the same way and their wife had the same problems, etc. I guess it comes with the territory.

Here are some photos of my little monkey, is she worth it?

Things are going

2011-12-07T11:51:00.000-08:00

1) Thank you to the person that invented the moby, it is a strange long piece of material, however it is amazing at putting a new baby to sleep - I have no clue why but it doesn't matter because it works. Too bad it kills my back!

2) Thank you to the person that invited the vacuum, who knew it could be used for more than cleaning, today Pepper successfully took a small nap in the swing while I vacuumed the floor. It was short, maybe 15 minutes, but my floor looks so much better.

3) Thank you pacifier, pappy, paci, you have many names, and even though you aren't being used as much as I would like you still give me an occasional break.

Overall I would say we are doing better - I feel like I understand this little person just a tad bit more than I did. She has moved into a new phase that is easier to understand. She doesn't cry all the time anymore, she is actually alert some.

I haven't really taken many photos, I guess I just haven't found a good time when she is happy so these will have to do.

I need to do a shoot with Summer, she is sure growing up and changing into a little girl.

Sisters

2011-12-04T12:36:00.000-08:00

Summer has been a happy, loving, sweet big sister for 1 whole month. She still loves it, and isn't even bothered at all by the crying. And there is a lot of crying! The crying seems to be getting better though.

You can't tell in these photos I guess, but she does seem happier. And she must be getting bigger, she can hardly fit into newborn clothes anymore! Happy one month Pepper!

Nursing

2011-12-02T10:31:00.000-08:00

I have managed to nurse my little girl for one month! I would love to say it was a beautiful experience, and so natural and easy, but I will be completely honest, it was the worse pain - torture, I have ever experienced in my life. Initially she would latch and it would feel like knives stabbing me over and over for 30+ minutes. I ended up with blisters on my nipples, cracks, bruises, it was just ugly. Not to mention when they thought I had mastitis, a duct infection, that actually ended up being engorgement, when your milk comes in and your breast get engorged. Natural right, really, then why was it so complicated and painful?

The only initial positive was sleeping at night, for the most part we sleep well, I let her latch, we lay in bed together and fall asleep. Yes you aren't really suppose to sleep together but I couldn't see any other way to get her asleep and I was concerned about me getting sleep too. I am a light sleeper and sleep on my side and back so I wasn't worried about smothering her, and at least when she is next me I can hear her breathing and make sure she is covered up and warm.

Let's talk about nursing in public, I had no clue how that would work but wow where have I not nursed? I have nursed in Red Robin, the thrift store, the mall, the dental office, my car, dance class, the hospital, Babies R Us, just about most places I go I have had to nurse. I did just get a moby, a huge wrap that secures the baby next to your body, and that seems to be helping the constant need to nurse every hour so that may limit my public nursing.

I guess it will continue to get easier, she will get older, want to nurse less, have more interest in other things besides nursing and sleeping ... or so I hope. We have a busy month ahead thanks to Summer, dance and choir performances, rehearsals for the performances, Christmas and everything that comes with it. I am staying positive and setting my self another goal, to nurse pepper to 2 months! I think I can do it.

Pepper on Thanksgiving Day. She actually slept the entire time we ate, wasn't that nice!

Taking her second bath. I want to consider it her first because the first bath I gave her was a disaster. I think I had the water too cold and she cried the entire time.

Taken yesterday hanging out while I was on the computer.

Doing what she loves, nursing!

Still

2011-11-16T14:51:00.000-08:00

Today we went to the doctor for Pepper's 2 week check up, she is actually 18 days old. She is still a little yellow but nothing to be concerned with, and her weight is up to 7 pounds, 1 1/4 ounces. She is almost back to her birth weight of 7 pounds, 3 ounces, so the doctor was happy. Plus she continues to nurse, yes can you believe it, I am still breastfeeding. I still have a little bit of pain but only when she first latches on, and it isn't nearly as bad as it was before. I am amazed I have stuck with it so long, and I have had to nurse around friends and in public, well at Summer's dance class - and it is working. Of course she nurses 24x7 if I let her, she uses the nipple to fall asleep so I am working on that, well actually I haven't done anything about it but I wish I knew of a way to make her happy without needing me to fall asleep - eventually, she is still so young.

Overall things are going good - I really have adjusted to having a very needy baby, I allow myself to watch tv in the afternoon now and not feel too guilty about not being able to play with Summer. Honestly I hate this age, so fragile, so delicate, I can't wait for 6 months but I am trying to enjoy her while I can, my last baby!

Here is a video I took yesterday while getting ready, it helps show how cute my little needy baby really is :o)

And because I know how much you miss seeing Summer, here is a video from today while we were nursing at the hospital, you know because we were there so long we had to stop and nurse, and since Pepper takes a good half hour to nurse ... anyway Summer doesn't really have a phone that works, she doesn't have text and to my knowledge doesn't know how to text if she had it, at least I hope.

Day 9

2011-11-12T15:57:00.000-08:00

I think today is day 9 ... really I can't keep the days straight. Not that I am not sleeping, I mean of course not all night but most days I feel rested. I am still trying to get into a routine, still trying to heal, and still trying to breastfeed. Breastfeeding, who knew that would be so challenging! Summer has been absolutely perfect, no jealous, quiet, easy with Pepper, and Pepper has been, well we are still figuring her out. I breastfed her for 7 days and then on the 8th day I had to have a break, the pain was just too much so we gave her formula/breast milk combo and she seemed so much more content. I am still pumping and I fed her again last night until I completely make up my mind to switch her to formula. I don't mind bottle feeding but I can't see myself pumping and using a bottle, there is just so much work doing that. I remember I pumped 3 weeks with Summer and besides feeding her the bottle and turning around and pumping, it was just too much time. Besides both of my nipples (I know, too much information) are bleeding, have blisters and look sad. Not to mention how much they hurt. Yet I continue to torture myself because I want to say I gave it my all, tried to heal them up and see if things change, at least for another week maybe?

Anyway I have really felt good today, good enough to try a photo shoot. It was not easy. Pepper was very cooperative but I had trouble finding poses. I need to get inspired and look at some examples, maybe in another day or two. At least I am training her early right? Here she is, as cute as a button, and all the spicy!

Thanks to daddy for helping with the pictures, isn't he so sweet!

Guess who came early?

2011-11-06T14:29:00.000-08:00

11/3/2011 Pepper Isabel made her grand appearance 15 days early at 4:55 pm, weighing in at 7 pounds, 3 ounces, with the length of 19 3/4 inches. She was perfect, and I don't mean in a way a mom thinks her daughter is perfect, I mean her scores were 9/9, she was alert, her eyes were open, she was crying, just perfect!

How did all this happen? It was a normal Thursday just like any other, I went to my NST appointment and passed without incident, then I had to see the doctor to have the amniotic fluid levels retested. The level was an 8 on Monday (which was the minimum) but had dropped to a 3 so the doctor said it was time. This was around 10 in the morning so I had to go up to labor and deliver and be monitored with a c-section planned for after lunch. I had to have an IV while I waited of course, the poor nurse tried 4 times and failed. Amazingly I don't have bruises all over my arms. Another nurse came in and luckily got it on the first try. Kris arrived around 11 and we waited. At 11:45 they informed us the c-section wouldn't be until 3 (of course) so we had more waiting to do. It was so boring, I was in the bed, hooked up to the baby and contraction monitors, and I hadn't eaten since 7:30. And I was having decent contractions too - I wasn't in active labor but some were fun. At 3 they inform us that we have to wait on an operating room so it was still going to be awhile. We had no clue what "awhile" actually meant - it meant around 4:15!

When I finally went back it went quick, they had me get my spinal which was one itty poke that barely hurt. They did everything else, the doctor came in with a 3rd year resident assistant, Kris came in wearing scrubs and carrying my cell phone for video and the camera, and surgery began. They had the blue sheet up so I couldn't see - sorta - when I looked up into the metal lights the doctors were using I could actually see a reflection of my stomach and what I saw was enough to make me look away. Had I wanted I could have watched it all - I did not have any desire to watch! It always seems like the surgery takes forever but I guess it wasn't really that long, I remember when Summer was born I didn't hear her right away but when Pepper came out that little girl screamed her head off! They immediately took her to an area at my right which was nice because while I was being sewed up I could see them cleaning her off. At least it gave me something to concentrate on because the worse part of surgery was upon me now - the shaking. Kris did a great job getting video of Pepper as soon as she came out and being cleaned and he also got some great shots with the camera. He was pretty busy with all of that. I was still being put back together while Pepper went to the nursery to have her bath. Kris was not allowed in the nursery but there were 4 nurses there so Kris asked one of the guys to take our camera in and take pictures - he did, so we got some really neat shots of that too. Thankfully he knew how to properly focus :o)

I had to go to recovery - while I continued to shake uncontrollably, so bad they could not get an accurate blood pressure reading from me. Apparently it wasn't bad and I was only in recovery for about 25 minutes. When I got to my room Kris, Cliff, Summer and Pepper were all waiting for me. I could just see the look of happiness on Summer's face. She had already held Pepper and was beaming from ear to ear. By this time it was around 6:30 and Summer and Papa left soon after. Kris and I hung out for awhile, then he left and I enjoyed my evening bonding with Pepper while I recovered from surgery. I walked the next morning around 5:30 and it didn't hurt a bit. It really wasn't as bad as I thought. I figured I was pretty drugged up but here it is on Sunday and I still don't have much pain at all. I can get up and around without any issues (thankfully). In fact I have more pain in my nipples from breastfeeding (ouch!) which luckily seems to be painfully working great.

Saturday night was our first night home, we didn't get home until 6:30, but it went amazing. Pepper fed two or three times and slept like an angel. Again I am so blessed to have such a great baby. She doesn't really cry unless she is hungry and I have been feeding on demand so it isn't really all that bad. We did get her a pacifier but mostly to calm her while we can't feed her, like when she is having her diaper changed or if she needs to ride in the car. I would guess I got a good 4 hours of sleep during the night and a good nap today. It was also time change so that has just made today so much longer.

Sunday has been all about hanging out, feeding, cleaning, situating things. Overall things went good considering all the strange complications. At first I really wanted to try a vaginal birth but after experiencing just some of the contractions that were painful, I feel like I got to experience some of it and I don't feel like I missed out on anything important. The doctor did tell me it was a good thing I didn't end up having a vaginal birth because the scar area from the prior c-section was extremely thin and could have easily ruptured. Sometimes you just have to think things happen for a reason. Let's just say I am lucky, I ended up getting that baby girl without too many complications, earlier than expected, and now she is mine for the rest of her life, or until she becomes a teenager, hopefully the first.

High Risk Afterall?

2011-11-02T09:09:00.000-07:00

After thinking that I was the un-high riskiest patient ever I got a bit of news that put things in a different perspective. Not my blood pressure, it is still holding out at 126/75 or somewhere around there - no not the same problems I had before, these are all brand new problems to explore!

Monday: I had a routine appointment with the high risk doctor to have another growth scan. This was to be my last scan and I figured it was probably not necessary. I kinda thought something might be wrong with the fluid when the tech kept trying to find a better reading and asked me to turn on my left side. Of course there isn't much room in there now so I wasn't sure. Apparently my fluids, the water around the baby, are low. Not really low, well it is an 8, which is the minimum they like to see. Because of that I have to be monitored twice a week to make sure it doesn't go down anymore. Besides that little Pepper only measured in at 6 pounds 3 ounces. Not extremely small but considering her last growth scans her growth chart has started to decrease instead of increase. Again not extremely horrible but something else that needs to be watched. Now these scans can be off and most of the time they are, but this clinic has pretty high tech machines so I doubt they are off as much as if I had this scan done in a normal doctors office. Anyway both are things that need extra monitoring. Then the high risk doctor tells me he doesn't want me to go past 39 weeks anyway due to the blood clotting disorder that I have that I am doing nothing about. So that means that this baby will be here one way or the other by next Friday, which is 11-11-11, the day Kris really wanted as a birth day, also Veteran's Day.

Tuesday: I saw my regular air force doctor today. Because he is going on leave Saturday and will be gone for two weeks the chances that he will not be able to do my surgery/delivery is possible so I met a new doctor, Dr. Johns. She was nice and I asked her to strip my membranes in hopes that I still may get to deliver naturally between now and next Friday. While she was doing the stretching she noticed I was already dilated to a 3. She was able to aggressively stretch my membranes (surprisingly it didn't really hurt) and she was able to stretch me to a 4. She also said I was very soft whatever that means. After all that I had to go up to labor and delivery to have a NST because I skipped it yesterday and mostly for legal reasons. This was after the membrane stretching and I started having some pretty fun little contractions. While on the monitor Pepper did fine and the contractions were 2-8 minutes apart. They told me to go home and to come back if the contractions were less than 2 minutes apart, became so painful I could not stand, if my water broke, or if the baby stopped moving as much. For the rest of the day I had horrible contractions, not quite horrible enough to make me double over and not closer than 4 minutes apart. I just felt crappy and took a shower, drank a lot of water, took a nap, and by dinner they were much more comfortable and almost non existent. I think I might have dropped because I slept so much better last night, I didn't have to wake almost hourly to go pee so maybe things moved away from my bladder.

Wednesday: So today I feel pretty darn good. I got a great nights sleep. I am still having contractions but not as strong or as often. Pepper was moving around (she is sleeping now). I guess now we just have to wait. I plan on going grocery shopping later (ok she just woke up and is moving) to get walking since that could help the contractions come on again. We will see what happens, oddly enough I was so dead set on having a natural birth because I wanted to see how painful it was, after yesterday I would not be that disappointed if I had to have a c-section. Ya some of the contractions were that bad! In fact my goal was a natural drug free birth but after yesterday I have no problems asking for an epi!

I have an appointment tomorrow to do another NST and a scan to check the fluid levels. If anything bad happens with those test I could have a c-section right after or this Friday, but if those tests are all fine then I have another check again on Monday. Funny how I am not at all stressing, nor am I worried, in fact I feel like I am just going with the flow, things will happen when they happen. Poor Kris is pretty nervous, in fact he stayed home today, and Summer is super excited because she things Pepper will be here any day, which she could.

So I am 37 weeks and 5 days today. I guess I need to take a few more pictures because it may be the last I take. Oh and yesterday I weighed 167.4, which means I have gained 36 pounds. The goal is to gain between 25-35 right? I gained 26 pounds with Summer but again I weighed about the same because I started 10 pounds heavier with her. Soon it will be time to get rid of all this baby weight, I am ready for the challenge!

Oh and because I hate having a post without a photo ... on Monday the ultrasound tech felt so bad because Pepper is already engaged, which means she is head down way low into my pelvis facing toward my back, the tech could not get a face/head shot - which was fine, I didn't mind, but she felt bad, so she gave me a picture of her ears LOL. Not the best picture since I took it with my phone but probably the last picture I will have before she comes out. I am pretty sure her ear on the left looks like Summer and Kris's.

36 Weeks

2011-10-25T09:59:00.000-07:00

I made it to 36 weeks and things seem to be better than ever. I haven't been as sick, I have had a bunch more energy despite waking several times at night (still), and I might actually be ready. Well, can one ever be ready? I mean you have to be ready when the time comes. I put the pack and play together all by myself, with the top part and the changing table, who knew it had extra rods! Oh I need to see if I have sheets for the co-sleeper, I think I packed it away in the case and I need to look and either wash them or buy some if they aren't in there. I actually started packing a "hospital" bag with a few things, like an extra cell phone charger, hair scrunchies, socks, and I have been sorta cleaning the house. I think I even dropped because when I went pee yesterday it seemed like my belly is actually resting on my legs. Or it could just be that it feels like it because it is so big now :o) Speaking of big, 35 pounds! Where in the world am I hiding 35 pounds? I actually weight as much as I did when Summer was born but I have gained 10 more pounds this time. I just don't see where I could be hiding all this weight. Of course maybe I am not hiding it like I think :o)

Anyway I had a doctor appointment yesterday, my blood pressure was 129/72 the first two times, then it was 125/72 the third time, or something like that. I am a bit worried about the top number but hopefully it continues to stay down. If I do not go into labor on my own before 11/22 I have a scheduled c-section, which is a really cool birthday if you ask me 11/22/11. Of course I hope I go into labor on my own, even if I haven't had any indications of doing so yet. Next week I have another doctor appointment and I will probably have my membranes stripped to help things hopefully progress - so we will see. I am happy to make it through October, I really can't wait to wear my homemade halloween costume! I love halloween, check out this cute little pumpkin belly Kris made for me yesterday:

He was not at all happy with the paint but I thought it was really cute. After he finished Summer wanted in on the action so I just had fun making some designs on her face. Of course the paint didn't wash off her face as good as it did my belly lol.

She has such a cute little face. Don't ask me what I made, obviously it was a bit eh. I also had maternity photos taken a few days ago, once I get those I will show them too.

Life is moving right along, I am trying not to focus on when I have the baby and just try to live things day by day. This is going to be the last little baby growing in my tummy so I am trying to enjoy it and not rush it. Much harder said than done!

Just day by day

2011-10-20T16:38:00.000-07:00

This week has been a really good week. I cleaned all day Sunday - which means I had a ton of energy! Monday I felt sick again, nothing new there, but I had my NST (where they monitor the baby) and that was fine. I saw the doctor on Tuesday and everything still looks good. We decided that if Pepper does not come out on her own I will have a c-section on 11-22, 4 days past my due date and 2 days before Thanksgiving. I am really hoping she comes on her own, and earlier than that! I will be 36 weeks tomorrow but I do want to wait until the first of November because I really want to make it through Halloween, you know, since I have such a cool costume and all.

Besides having good energy all week I have also been more comfortable - walking seems easier I guess. Last night we took Summer to a pumpkin patch we go to every year and it was nice, we got some cute pictures anyway.

Next week is going to be insane, 3 Halloween parties :o) Of course we are having one for the kids at our house, so I guess I can't complain too much, I mean not like I have to do much to prepare besides bake the cupcakes :o) I am looking forward to the rest of October, so far the candy has been enjoyable and I can't wait for the rest!

New Name?

2011-10-12T10:54:00.000-07:00

First I need to figure out a new name for my blog, I can't keep Summer is the Season when it is obviously Autumn, haha, j/k - I mean since I am having another baby, not naming her Autumn, which is funny because Summer asked me today why I named her Summer, and after telling her because I love the summertime she said, we should name the new baby Autumn. I told her she wasn't the only one who thought that :o) but we liked the name Pepper instead. And (drumroll) we finally have a middle name too - Isabel. Pepper Isabel. How pretty is that :o) If you know me and my husband well enough you might see the joke in it too (not telling).

Anyway I am now 34 + weeks pregnant. How do I feel this week? Well actually almost all of my pregnancy symptoms seem to be gone but that is probably because I caught Kris's head cold. I have the typical itchy eyes, runny nose, stuffy nose (which seems odd but whatever) and clouded head. I still have energy, at least today, so I don't want to complain yet, if I follow Kris's cold history I will get a bit worse and then it will linger forever so, as long as I get better in 5+ weeks I guess it is better to be sick now verses later.

Here are some 34 week photos of me and some photos of Kris and Sumer we took when we went hiking on Monday. Yes, me hiking, at 34 weeks. More like walking slowly and taking photos but it was still nice to see the fall colors, ignore the snow in the shade, and enjoy the fresh air of the mountains.

I felt great today!

2011-10-07T18:53:00.001-07:00

I felt so good today, where in the world did I get all this energy, and how did I possibly do everything I did today? I did dishes, laundry, put baby clothes away, took a few pictures, made dinner, ran some errands... and I didn't even need a nap! I made it to 34 weeks and hopefully things continue to be a bit easier, that would be really nice wouldn't it. I even started painting my Halloween costume today too!

My mom came down to visit earlier this week, of course I didn't take any pictures of her and I, or her and Summer, or her, or even me. I felt rather guilty about ignoring my camera so I got it out tonight and took a few pictures of Summer. She was not in the mood. She was not feeling "great" like I was apparently but I didn't care, I mean I cared, but I figured we always take happy smiling photos, let's see what kind of sad unhappy photos we can get - and let me tell you we got some good ones. She wasn't really upset, mostly just upset because she didn't want to be outside in the cold 65 degree weather, in a short sleeve shirt and skirt. That is until she wanted to show me tricks on the trampoline. Then magically the cold weather didn't seem to bother her anymore. Kids. At least we are warming back up into the 80's, while I did enjoy my bathrobe, slippers, and hot chocolate today, I am just not ready for that yet. This is October, in Las Vegas, I remember trick or treating in short sleeves last year for goodness sakes. Well I wasn't trick or treating, I was taking, well you know what I mean!

Oh and everything else is going as planned, still pregnant, less than 6 weeks (I hope) left, blood pressure was still low (117/70), Pepper is still kicking all the time, we still don't have a middle name, her clothes are washed and put away, I have most everything I need (except bibs), I start seeing the doctor every two weeks now, and I am finally having non painful contractions!

Anyway, enjoy the pictures I took of my cute little sad princess, and hopefully I take some belly pictures again soon.

Is it the prenatal pills?

2011-09-27T18:13:00.000-07:00

For the last two days I have felt ill. My stomach is a little upset and I am trying not to move around much because I feel like I will throw up. I have heard that some women get sick at the end of their pregnancy, I do not want to be this person. I did take two prenatal vitamins over the course of the last 2 or 3 days and I really think they might be the reason I feel so ill. I feel guilty not taking them but I try to eat vegetables everyday :o)

I had two appointments this week, on Monday I had to go to the base to be monitored. They sit you in a chair and hook you up to monitors, one reads your contractions or your uterus while the other monitors your baby's heart beat. In a matter of a maybe 15 minutes (or 30?) your baby had to have an increase in heartbeat. The normal resting heartbeat for a baby is around 140-150, a waking moving baby has a heartbeat around 160-170. Let's just say that I had no problem passing this test, this little spicy baby moves all the time. That appointment was at 8:45 in the morning and by 2:00 pm she was still moving around, which doesn't help my ill feeling any.

Today I had another growth scan. Kris took off and went with me, I think he was impressed with all the stuff the tech explains while they are doing their exam. We saw the heart, the blood flow, the placenta, the brain, the stomach, arm and leg bones, amino fluid, and so much more. I am measuring correctly and this little Pepper is already about 4 1/2 pounds. The doctor said I didn't need him anymore and would probably have her in about 5 weeks. I was like, excuse me? I am only 32+ weeks. Now that I think about it that would only make me 2 weeks early which isn't even considered early. Let's hope this doctor is really good at making guesses like that because I would love to go 2 weeks early!

Oh and I forgot to mention my blood pressure, both days it was low, like 115/75 or something. I just might not end up with any blood pressure issues this time!

All this talk about having a baby in 5 weeks made Kris start thinking about planning, which is rather funny to me because I am the planner - not him, but he said I should just go ahead and schedule a c-section so we can all be ready. I really want to do a VBAC (vaginal birth after Cesarian) this time for several reasons, the recovery time is so much easier, I want to experience contractions and labor, even if I do end up with an epidural, I just want to see how tough, or how wimpy I am, and it is safer. Kris is worried he may miss the birth if I go natural but for now I am just going to hope things work out for the best. Pepper isn't breach so there shouldn't be anything preventing me from having a natural birth, unless I don't go into labor on my own but I don't see that as a problem. While having the ultrasound exam the doctor asked if I felt that contraction and I said No. Well Yes I did feel it I just didn't realize it was a contraction. My stomach got tight but it didn't hurt. Apparently, since learning what having a contraction feels like, I have been having them randomly all day. Yay!

Oh and did you catch that, her name is going to be Pepper. Pepper ... well we don't have a middle name yet. She moves around so much I call her my little spicy baby so the name Pepper just sticks. Most people I tell really like it and think it is cute. I am sure some will not but it will grow on them. When we were discussing the name I asked my niece if it was ok to use the name because her daughters name is Pyper and they will be about a year apart, luckily she didn't mind.

I did get more ultrasound photos today but they are about the same, we did get a cute one of the hand open that looks like a wave. I also got my breast pump pieces yesterday and boiled them and washed them all today. I feel like I am almost ready, I have my baby shower this weekend and that should be a lot of fun. My mom will be here this weekend and I am going to have her help me get a few things ready. I feel like I can barely walk around without being uncomfortable so having my mom here will help. She is only staying a week but will be back before you know it!

I just love her

2011-09-25T09:02:00.000-07:00

I just love her. Love Love Love. Love to pieces. I look at her and think - how in the world did I do that? I can't help looking into her eyes and wondering how I could have done that.

Her smile melts me. Her laughter makes me smile. Her innocent rejuvenates me. Her love for me astounds me.

Her imagination makes me laugh. Her silliness makes me love her even more. Her cleverness makes me worry a little :o) in a good way.

Her willingness makes me happy. Her little lips make me want to kiss her. Her soft hair makes me want to cuddle.

I just love her.

Pregnant Tummies

2011-09-22T11:11:00.000-07:00

I am not the only one pregnant in my house, and I am not the only one with a baby in my tummy either!

If only it is as easy to get my baby out as it was for her. I made it to 31 weeks and if you want to compare me at 31 weeks with Summer you can do that here. That's why I am posing with Killer this week, of course last time he stood there on his own, this time he was forced, poor dog, getting so old. With Summer, at 31 weeks, I had gained 16 pounds. As of today I am up around 20 pounds. Really not bad considering. I have actually been feeling really good too, my energy is up, I am not as uncomfortable, I seem to be able to walk ok, the sleep number bed we just got is really helping my aching hips too.

Can you believe it - no complaints this week!

Hiking at Red Rock

2011-09-20T10:21:00.000-07:00

We went hiking a few weeks ago, just the three of us, at Red Rock, the weather was perfect (maybe a little hot) and it was very nice. Summer loves hiking, or rock climbing, or climbing on the rocks ... she has a blast and we enjoyed the fresh air. We always see something interesting when we go hiking and this time we saw a lizard bathing on a rock in the warm sun. We used the opportunity to talk about camouflage. I always have school on my mind :o)

I love hiking but unfortunately I am getting to the point where I can't walk for long. It won't be much longer now I guess ...

Less than 10

2011-09-14T13:15:00.001-07:00

I have less than 10 weeks, hopefully, until I deliver this little squiggly spicy baby inside my tummy. At my last appointment on Monday I was measuring right on track, my blood pressure was 118/66, my pulse was in the 80's and my temperature was 99. The little girl who has invaded my body had a heartbeat of 150. She, of course, was awake and moving during the measurement and heartbeat scan. Overall I have been feeling a bit better. My heartburn isn't that bad really, does that mean she is going to be bald? I had been having horrible toe, feet, and leg cramps but Kris massaged my legs two nights ago and wouldn't you know it worked for the last two nights? He said I had bad knots in my legs and I want to know 1) how in the world did I get knots in my legs and 2) how can he feel them? Of course I don't know much about muscles, being that I don't have very big ones I guess. I also have had a bit more energy and I can't believe it is due to the 1/2 cup of decaf coffee I have started drinking this past week. AND, the best part, the pressure I have felt between my legs when I walk - is gone. It's like something shifted and I am not so uncomfortable anymore. Maybe I will get lucky, finally, and have a good end of pregnancy. Boy wouldn't that be nice. All I need to go with it is the perfect delivery in two months.

Well wishful thinking can be fun sometimes. Here is a 30 week photo I took earlier today, looking good I say!

Jumping and Twisting

2011-09-11T16:48:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the first day we could go outside in the evening and play with chalk. The first day because it was actually cool enough to sit outside and not sweat to death. It always amazes me when it actually gets cooler, it just seems like the heat is going to last forever.

Once we got outside Summer wanted to play hopscotch. I really don't know how to play, nor do I really know how to draw it but we improvised. Then I got Summer to jump a few times really high, she had a lot of fun with that.

Then I thought ... how about making a colorful bulls eye and jumping into it? Well why not?

Lastly we decided to play "how fast can you spin" because that is another fun game you have to play outside once it cools off right?

It was a lot of fun, and she was a mess, a beautiful chalky mess. After we finished outside we went inside and took a bath :o)

The perfect evening in my book!

I guess summer is over

2011-09-06T16:24:00.000-07:00

Labor Day means summer is over right? I guess - I mean it is still nearly 100 this week, and my garden still has live plants. It is still too hot to venture outside, parks are still out of the question for a few more weeks. We did take down our pool, mostly because it was slowly creeping down my yard since my yard isn't exactly level. I didn't expect to see any grass but imagine my surprise - of course if the grass actually makes it, well only time will tell. For now I am hoping the horrible swampy smell goes away in the next few days. As for my own Summer, she isn't going anywhere, at least for another 13 more years, or more if I convince her to stay :o)

29 Weeks

2011-09-05T11:07:00.000-07:00

I made it to 29 weeks and I feel terrific! Ok I wish I could say that, the truth is I feel horrible, well not horrible, just uncomfortable, tired, nauseous, bloated, I have trouble walking, I have no energy, but I guess besides all that. Only 10+ more weeks right?

In the meantime I am trying hard to ignore all of that, we are still doing school each morning, we started week 3 today even though it is Labor Day, I figured why would we skip school when we both enjoy it. Summer is starting choir in another week and I am really looking forward to that, it is a program through the Clark County, she will meet once a week for 30 minutes through December and I guess at the end they have a big performance. She loves singing and dancing so I can't wait to see how well she does. She still has dance and they plan on adding another class soon, acting! That should be fun. We are still horse vaulting on the weekend and I am happy at how much she is learning. I don't think she will be performing anytime soon but you never know, she never fails to amaze me. I also want to put her back into soccer, she really enjoys going. We will see what happens in the next few weeks. I am also planning on weekly library visits, we don't need to borrow any books with as many as she has but it is fun going and seeing other kids read. So we are staying pretty busy, not to mention our weekly play dates and other random things we do each week.

Here are so photos of us my loving husband took last night, aren't we the cutest and we match!

2 pounds, 14 ounces

2011-08-30T10:58:00.000-07:00

Today I had a doctor appointment at the high risk clinic to get a growth scan. Basically an ultrasound where they measured the baby to determine how big she is and to make sure she is growing like she should be. First they took my blood pressure, 114/76 - perfect! I guess it isn't going up yet, or maybe it won't! The ultrasound tech showed me everything and explained what we were looking at, I swear I think they must see in 2D as much as she could see. I did find out the position of the baby and it wasn't really what I thought. She is head down but over on the right side of my body and her face is facing left. Her back is all along my right side, her butt is in my upper right corner just under my right boob. Her little legs are up top on the left side under my other boob. So basically she is in an upside down L type position. Sorta, because one of her legs was over her face for some of the exam. And for some of the exam her legs were crossed. I can't picture it. Anyway she is still a girl and still quite nameless. She was sleeping when the exam began and her resting heartbeat was 147. She, of course, woke after being poked on and because I was laying on my back she tends to wake up when I lay like that. I got to see her bones, her heart, her kidneys, her brain, and a few other things that you wouldn't expect to see, like her eyelids. While being examined I also found out that the very annoying feeling I sometimes get is her legs pushing out against my stomach. I guess maybe she stretches. Oh and I also got to see her swallowing a few times, and she stuck out her tongue. I saw a lot in the 20 or so minutes it took to do the exam.

Anyway everything was fine, she is measuring right on, her heart and brain looked good to the tech and doctor, so I go back in 4 more weeks to get another growth scan. I will also have to start going weekly to be monitored at that point, and that I am not looking forward too because that is when you just sit there and they need the baby to move so many times in a certain amount of time, it is just boring. But I will do what I must, and here are the photos from today.

I know most people like the profile picture best but this one is neat, the chin, nose and lips! And I am guessing a hand off to the side. Her little mouth is open, isn't that a unique u/s photo?

I think they gave me about 5-6 profile photos. They all look the same to me, so I just picked one lol.

At first she had her leg somehow over her face so the doctor basically smacked her in the butt a few times to get her to move it lol, and he wasn't gentle. Of course she didn't cry that I could tell haha and she moved her leg so we could get this photo!

I wonder if she looks like Summer? I need to go get her 4D ultrasound photo from when she was 29 weeks and compare ...

I still can't believe I am having a baby. I still can't believe I don't have a name for her yet. I still can't believe I have so much longer to wait!

28 Weeks

2011-08-26T10:49:00.000-07:00

I am 28 weeks pregnant. I am 7 months pregnant. I am in my third trimester. I only have 12 weeks left until I deliver this baby - more or less. I am having a baby shower in a month. I have to go register. I had a doctor appointment this morning. It was boring ;o) which is good. My blood pressure was 128/76. I realize I always post my blood pressure, and this is because it started to get high with my last pregnancy and I am really concerned it will get high again. It is up from my last appointment but I am already on a two week schedule so I am not worried, yet. My temperature was 97.5. My pulse was 80. The baby was asleep when the nurse got her heartbeat at 150. Later the doctor checked the heartbeat and it was 160. I am measuring correctly I guess. I am seeing the high risk doctor next Tuesday and then I will get an ultrasound and a growth scan. Oh and I passed my glucose test and my iron levels were normal.

I guess I am doing great. Of course I still feel tired most of the time, it hurts to walk, it feels like the gap between my legs are trying to widen, but at this point that is probably expected.

This week also ends the first week of school. I think it was very successful. Summer is doing great spending at least an hour each day working on letters, numbers, counting, reading, learning! I really enjoy teaching her, and it helps me stay on some sort of schedule. Normally we do her schoolwork first thing in the morning after breakfast, then when we are finished I go clean the kitchen. Here she is from earlier in the week learning how to mix colors. We froze the colored ice cubes and then used them to draw on the sidewalk later in the afternoon.

154.5 at 27 weeks

2011-08-24T09:26:00.000-07:00

Weight gain is always a touchy subject, of course not as touchy when you are pregnant but still ... anyway I was looking back to my blog when I was pregnant with Summer, 4+ years ago. I found this post where I was 26 weeks pregnant. At that time I weighed 153. I was just thinking that a week later with this pregnancy I weigh the same. To make sure I went and weighted and at 27+ weeks today I am weighing 154.5. Then I realized that I started this pregnancy 10 pounds lighter, which means I have gained an extra 10 pounds already in this pregnancy. Yikes. I really don't care, in fact I want to go get something to eat right now :o) but how wild that I caught up to my other pregnancy weight. I should realize I am larger than before, Kris had made comments as to how big my stomach is already, as you can clearly see!

First Day of School

2011-08-22T09:44:00.000-07:00

Today marks a milestone in my life, oh ya and in Summer's life too because we started school today! I am still getting the feel of it but I have help this time, thanks to a program I found, Time4Learning, I now have some help. Teaching Summer is so easy, honestly, she loves learning and was really excited about starting school.

Of course the day didn't start as I planned, I woke up constipated (thank you pregnancy) and spent a bit of time in the bathroom. I had Summer sit on my bed and watch cartoons while I suffered a bit, but finally we got on track. We had breakfast together at the kitchen table, we got dressed for school, and we were on our way.

We start school each day by looking at the calendar to see what day it is. Then we took our daily blank index color, pick the color we want, and Summer got to choose her word of the day. Any random word. She chose mouse. I helped her write mouse on the index card and then gave it to her with a piece of tape to hang up. I bought these refrigerator daily reminder things that I am using for her performance, every time she does something good, completes a paper or whatever, she gets a sticker. Today she ended up with 4 stickers!

She also writes in her Hello Kitty journal daily. She can write whatever she wants. Today she wrote her name, she wrote "cat" and "dog". She can also draw a picture on her page if she wishes.

After that we worked out of some workbooks. We did the number 1, she had to write it a few times, then she had to write the word "one". We also did some counting where she has to count the pictures and write the numbers out beside it. She is doing so well with her writing, her numbers 1-10 are coming along nicely. Since we were working on the number 1 I went ahead and took out the foam clock and taught her how to tell time. Just the hour times (o'clock). That seemed almost too easy. We did a little addition, added stickers to numbers, I really just went with the flow.

After that we headed over to the computer to start the school preK software. She likes it, I guess we spent at least 30+ minutes on it. We skipped ahead to the PreK2 because it seems a bit harder and she learned about mixing colors. We did the section on mixing colors and for our project I took my ice tray and food coloring and let her see how mixing colors works. It is in the freezer now, as soon as it freezes I will continue using it as a teaching aide somehow.

Overall I am satisfied with how this is going to work, a few hours in the morning and of course the learning never ends throughout the day.

Hopefully I don't wake up constipated tomorrow :o) I guess I will drink more water today, maybe eat a few raisins. The joys of being pregnant ... oh and speaking of my pregnancy, I have less than 13 weeks, which seems like it is getting closer. I bought my first pack of diapers the other day. I have an appointment on Friday, just a normal one I think, oh and I will find out if I passed my glucose test too.

I didn't take any first day of school photos yet because while we did get dressed we didn't brush our hair, so I will try to get some of those later. Until then ...

Loves her babies

2011-08-16T18:32:00.000-07:00

Summer really loves her baby dolls. I was not a little girl who played with baby dolls, at least not that I remember, but Summer ... she loves her babies.

26 Weeks

2011-08-16T08:51:00.000-07:00

I know I need to take a real picture but look at that belly, well look at how small my feet look. And I am wearing socks because my heals are extremely dry - thanks to the lovely Las Vegas humidity, or lack thereof. So what can I complain about this week?

Actually besides last night I have been feeling pretty darn good. My energy level seems to be up some and I haven't had any complaints, except for last night. I think at most I slept two hours before waking to annoying leg or foot cramps. I went to bed at 9:30, got up at 10:00, walked around, back to bed, up at 11:00, 1:00, 2:00, 3:00, 4:40, and finally up for good at 7:00. Today I took a vitamin and I am trying to drink a lot of water in hopes that the leg cramps go away. I didn't really walk a lot yesterday either so I am not sure why I have them. I eat decent and I take vitamins too ...

You would think that I would be exhausted but so far I seem to have good energy. Of course the day has only started, who knows how it will end up, for now I am staying positive and I hope I can get my house clean. I am on my second load of laundry, I have cleaned my bathroom toilet, I did the dishes, I want to do sheets and maybe do more in my bathroom, I want to paint some shirts today and water the flowers out front. I think I can do it.

I am going to have a baby shower on October 1st thanks to my friends. I knew I would be having one, even though I don't need a lot because my friends and I are very big into having parties and if we find a reason to have a party all the better. Once they found out I was pregnant they already began planning this baby shower. I am - scared. Even though this baby is very much alive, very much moves around all day, in fact 4 of my friends felt her kicking and punching yesterday because she was squirming around for over an hour, I still can't imagine having another baby in 3 months. It still doesn't seem real, or it still seems like something bad could happen. Regardless I am enjoying the pregnancy as much as I can, she has a name, mostly, I call her Cora right now. I was talking to her the other day as she kicked around asking her if she was kicking me here and there but I guess until the very end I will probably have my doubt. I do have to go register, and I will need a lot of stuff, little stuff, sheets, clothes, towels, bibs, things like that, but it is really hard making myself do it, because of all the what ifs. What do you do after a shower if you lose a baby, do you give all the gifts back somehow? I don't really dwell on it a lot, or I try not, I will wait until September and go register somewhere I guess.

Can you believe I am having another baby?

Nothing Much

2011-08-10T15:10:00.000-07:00

It has been awhile, I guess because nothing is happening, which is a good thing and it isn't. I am starting to wonder how I look to other people because I get asked "how are you doing?" in a concerned voice a lot lately. I either look bad or I complain a lot. Lately I haven't had much to actually complain about, I feel pretty normal, my only issue is how tired I am but I wonder if it has to do with the amount of sleep I am getting, probably more than I actually need. Summer ended up with a fever two days ago but it really only lasted the night and was gone so that is a good thing. I have been experimenting with meals and they are turning out good, tonight I am trying a enchilada soup that is easy, of course these meals are probably better suited for the fall/winter but whatever. I have started reading again, I finished another book (in my 12 series) and will start another today. I took a bunch of pictures a few days ago. Hmmm could that be any more random? I guess we are all just waiting for the weather to cool down a little bit, even tho that isn't going to happen for awhile, one can continue to wait, indoors, in the air. And I was never one to complain about the heat.

Uneventful Appointment

2011-08-02T10:25:00.000-07:00

Yesterday morning I had an uneventful appointment. It was just a 4 week check-up and haven't had any issues. The nurse first took my vitals, my blood pressure was 10ish over 60ish, which seems rather low to me but no one else was concerned. My pulse was 80 and my temperature was 98ish. Then the nurse measured my stomach - I guess it measured correctly. She found the heartbeat of 156 after the baby kicked the monitor away twice. Then I saw the doctor, he asked if I had concerns, I do not, so I go back in 4 weeks to see him again. Actually I go back in 3 weeks to do the glucose test - joy. I also found out that I will be going in twice a week when I reach 37 weeks to have the baby monitored. It isn't hard it is just a pain driving all the way across town to do it. I guess it could be worse.

I am starting to get a lot of heartburn and last night I had horrible feet and toe cramps. I drank a lot of water yesterday and didn't do much walking so I am not sure where they came from. Oh well it figures I guess. Just taking it day by day now.

24 Weeks

2011-07-31T18:23:00.000-07:00

24 Weeks

Look how happy I look in that first picture! I can't even believe I took it because I had on no makeup, my hair was pulled back in my normal style (which is not really a style), I had on some of my oldest pants that really should be thrown away because they are wearing out. Yet look at that round belly, isn't it just darling? Ok maybe not that cute but do you see a stretch mark? Nope. Do you see a belly button popped out - well almost. I guess my biggest complaint this week, and yes I have many but we can just talk about my major one, is the comfort. I have come to realize that I hunch over a lot. This does not allow my stomach to have enough room, therefore causing me discomfort. I am trying to work on sitting up straight. It is even worse when I drink or eat a lot of food where I almost have no room to function. But there is a silver lining to this cloud, I only have -16 more weeks right?

In other news, Summer is amazing. She let me take my new favorite photo of her this past week.

Look at how stinking cute she is! The plan was to get a dirty photo so we took a bunch of brown eye shadow and rubbed it randomly around her face. Then I saw the hat and coat and thought .... ya! She was making the cutest faces trying to get a "dirty" look. I am going to get this printed - I am just not sure how yet, canvas or regular or AH decisions.

Vacation

2011-07-27T14:08:00.001-07:00

California. Huntington Beach. Aquarium of the Pacific. Disneyland. We did it all, three days of fast fun. I will share a bunch of pictures and sum up my thoughts, good and bad, on each section of our trip.

Huntington Beach: Cold, Windy, Dirty, a lot of walking, humid, but overall we made it work. Does that sound like a complaint? As we were sitting on the beach we asked ourselves, why do we do this again? I think we might go to a nice hotel with a nice pool next year :o) Don't get me wrong, we had a nice time, Summer really enjoyed the waves, eventually, but I hate being cold, I hate cold water, I hate wind, I am not good with the sun, I hate being dirty/sandy ... you get the idea.

Aquarium of the Pacific. No complaints here, we needed something to do in the morning while it was still cold and overcast at the beach so we killed the morning and had a pretty good time. Afterward we had lunch at Bubba Gump Shrimp Company, which just seemed right.

Disneyland. Overcrowded, a lot of walking, more walking, hot afternoon, but really how can we complain, Summer had a blast! She got to meet 5 princesses and a prince and a few other characters. We went to our hotel during the hot afternoon and hung out and swam then we headed back to the park in the evening to ride a few more rides. If you can believe her favorite ride was the roller coaster! It was fun, just a long day. The day we left we first had breakfast at Goofy's Kitchen and that, while very expensive, was so worth it. Summer got to eat with Balou, Chip, Dale, Aladdan, Pluto, Goofy, she really enjoyed seeing them all.

So that sums up our trip, it was nice but hard for us old timers :o)

I am DONE!

2011-07-26T07:26:00.000-07:00

Once again I am reminded how each pregnancy can be very different. Yesterday I had a very busy day, I ran 3 errands (bank, bank, post office) before 10, taught a toddler dance class, went to the gym and attended the zumba class, and took Summer to her dance class. On the way to her dance class I noticed my stomach getting hard over and over. I think that is what they call Braxton Hicks, which is basically a contraction that gets your body ready for the real thing eventually. They are more common in second+ pregnancies and can occur early or anytime, or not at all. I had them with Summer towards the end and never realized what they were until I was being monitored and the nurse asked if I just felt that contraction - a contraction I thought was the baby turning. Anyway as I was driving to her dance class I started having these contractions over and over, my stomach was a hard ball. I didn't think it was normal to have so many so I called the on call doctor and after about an hour I got a call back. After I told him what was going on, and by then having this hard stomach for over 2 hours, he suggested I go into Labor and Delivery to be monitored. The nice thing about being pregnant is you basically skip the emergency room and go right up without a bunch of messy paperwork. So while being monitored in Labor and Delivery I assumed the monitors were picking up these contractions only to be told after 30 minutes that nothing was showing. I was really shocked, was it just constipation? Then the nurse moved the monitor and the contractions finally showed up. They weren't that bad but enough to see on the monitors. Since they kept coming the doctor prescribed medication to stop them and came in to have a look around. *I must say the doctor remembered that I have a heart issue, or anxiety, because he prescribed the medication that would lower my blood pressure instead of giving me the one that would cause a rapid heart beat. Way to go doc!* I also gave an urine sample when I arrived, and that came back that I was only a little dehydrated so they gave me a bag of fluids. The doctor looked at my cervix (I think that is what it was) and it was all closed, he then measured my cervix (I think that's what he measured) to find it was a 4 which was really ideal and meant that these contractions were not doing anything to put me into labor. He did swab my uterus (or cervix or something) and did find I have a bacteria infection which is most likely causing my contractions so now I am on antibiotics for the next 7 days. They taste horrible by the way. I am drinking a ton of water too and not doing as much today. I think I was in Labor & Delivery for at least 3 hours, I finally got home around 11:00 pm. Overall I guess I am glad I went, I am on antibiotics, but how annoying. So far this pregnancy is just giving me so many problems, and now I am too scared to continue working out so I am going to just try to do less I guess. And where did I get this bacteria infection anyway, even though the doctor said it is very normal in pregnant women, I can't avoid it if I don't know where it came from ...

The doctor did say the baby was just barely viable, which is really scary because I don't want to deliver a baby at 23 weeks. So now I am home trying not to stress and relax, which isn't easy.

And I have yet to blog about our vacation! We went to the beach, the aquarium, the beach again, Disneyland, and you can bet I took a ton of photos, but those will have to wait until tomorrow. I guess I have been really busy and active the past week, I have done a ton of walking, and I can tell myself that I am pregnant not disabled but the truth is being pregnant makes everything so much harder.

Is it November yet?

22 Weeks

2011-07-17T12:14:00.000-07:00

I am more than half way yet it still feels like I have forever to go. I have gained 13 pounds so far, and since I only want to gain 26 I am halfway there. I only gained 26 pounds with Summer so hopefully I only gain 26 with this little girl. I am having a "better" day today, not really feeling sick, so it will probably be back the next day or the day after. I still haven't gone and got any tums, but the heartburn usually only bothers me in the middle of the night, which seems odd, but I have been able to fall right back to sleep. I have heard that eating an apple will help and I really should try that first huh.

Here are some pictures of my 22 week belly.

Here is a comparison with Summer.

I don't think I look a lot different, maybe longer if that is possible. I have had a few people tell me that I am hiding my belly when I tell them I am pregnant - really, is it even possible for me to hide this big thing? I guess I carry my belly well :o)

I first started blogging when I was 26 weeks pregnant with Summer - I am almost there, can't wait to start comparing my blogs from that pregnancy to this one.

One last thing, names. I think I have one! I haven't told anyone except Kris and Summer, Summer likes it but she is so easy going, Kris - I think it will grow on him. Of course this might not be the name but for now I like knowing I have a possible option. Here are a few names I have liked so far:

Pepper
Savannah
Blossom
Harper
Honey
Kori
Pippi

I want a unique name but not so strange. I don't know why it is so hard this time but it sure is. I guess I still have 18 weeks to pick something out, so I am trying not to stress.

Imagine

2011-07-16T09:40:00.000-07:00

Imagine floating in a bubble of water - not being able to see anything but darkness, not having to breathe air, not hearing anything but muffled sounds. I can't imagine it, but I guess if I was in that situation I would have nothing else to do but move around too. It just seems to unreal to me to think that we all started out as nothing more than sperm and egg, tiny little microscopic pieces that came together and successful created a life, and now look at us, or at least me, 130 pounds of flesh and bones and I am doing it again. Well maybe a little more than 130 pounds right now.

I took this picture this morning for my macro what is it contest and this is how I feel right now.

I have no energy, I want to go lay down but I am not sleepy. I have no desire to do anything, no drive, no push. I feel a little sick but not enough to do anything about. I feel drained and thirsty but I can only go pee so much because it takes energy to walk to the bathroom. I know it is going to be worth it but right now it is hard getting through the days most days. I am normally a person who is always on the go. There are things I need to do, like go buy tums, but I just put it off as long as I can.

I also need to take some good photos of Summer, now that she is 4 I need to get out the big lights and white paper and really showcase her face. If only I felt like it ...

But don't pity me, it could be much worse and for as much as I complain I am actually doing fine, my spirits are still up, I have so much to look forward to, I love life and know things will change because they always do.

What a Week!

2011-07-15T19:08:00.000-07:00

This has been one of the busiest weeks ever. On Monday Summer got her new bed. On Tuesday I took Summer to her first cheerleading class. Well actually it was the third class but we missed the first two, and it is only a 6 week program. She really enjoyed the class so I will probably sign her up again after this course ends. On Wednesday, well that was the BIG day, my little baby turned 4! We had a princess tea dress up party at 10:30 where Summer and 5 other little girls celebrated in style! It was a lot of fun and very cute :o)

After the princess party some friends stays to swim, and then we relaxed and waited for the real party. It was at the bouncy house and didn't start until 5:30. 20 little kids bounced and ran for over an hour, it was fun to watch the energy but I was kinda glad I didn't have to jump myself.

and yes, this was the cutest birthday outfit ever! Summer really didn't like it, luckily as we were entering the bouncy place some moms were leaving and they commented on how cute it was, so that helped. I think this may be the last year I am able to pick out her outfit :o(

On Thursday Summer had her 4 year well check up. Weighing in at 41.5 pounds, measuring 42.5 inches tall, still in the 90+ % for both, she is as healthy as can be. When she turned 3 she was 37.5 pounds and 39.5 inches so she gained 4 pounds and 3 inches in one year. She was also lucky enough to get three vaccines! Well, maybe lucky isn't the right word, but I really played it up and she was looking forward to it, until the first needle hit her soft chunky little thigh, her face had such a look of shock and she almost lost it, I, on the other hand, was trying my hardest not to lose it myself. I don't know how people can watch their children get shots, it was insane! She didn't end up crying, even with all 3 pokes, I was so proud of her. Later in the day one of her legs was sore :o( but as of today she seems fully recovered.

That brings us to today. 22 weeks pregnant and still quite ill. People always say that every pregnancy is different and I didn't want to believe that, I wanted to be completely over my sickness at 14 1/2 weeks like I was with Summer, but that is not the case :o( I do have good days and I really want to know why, is it something I eat, but I haven't figured it out, and to make matters worse I am starting to get heartburn. I have tums from my pregnancy with Summer but they expired a few years ago so I haven't taken any, I need to get to the store and buy some more. The good news is the little squirmy girl inside me is still very active so I don't worry as much as I could, of course I have my moments and I am still not convinced I will end up with a baby in November, but at least I am closer to the end. I might have a name picked out but we will see. I also stopped taking the daily baby aspirin because after two days I started having anxiety (thinking I was having a heart attack).

We head to the beach next week for our "official" summer vacation, I think I am looking forward to it, I guess we will see how it goes, hopefully I have good days while we are there. Until then ...

Majorly Behind!

2011-07-11T19:11:00.000-07:00

So much has happened in such a short time, so let me try to catch up! First, we have had a lot of thunderstorms and a ton of rain. It has been nice, all but the high humidity, and by high I mean like 30%, which isn't high for some people but for Vegas it is crazy and almost unbearable! Here is a short video showing an afternoon pouring from this past weekend, it came out of nowhere, lasted a good 15 minutes, and was gone. Next we bought a new pool, a big pool, the kind you inflate the ring and it fills up. It is like 4 feet deep (almost) and 14 feet across (I think, bad with measurements), so Summer has been enjoying some afternoon dips.

Summer also had rehearsals all last week for her own TV Show, she is going to be on a dance show on a local Spanish channel with her dance class. She had 5 days to practice with 5 other girls and she ended up doing amazing. Remember she is only 3, well for a few more days. Here is that video.

The same day we had a wedding to attend, Summer was a flower girl and let me just tell you, she did amazing! She didn't practice but we did watch youtube videos so she knew what she was suppose to do and boy did she ever do it! Of course I took a video of that too!

Now we are caught up to today, two days before my little baby girl turns 4. Today her big girl bed arrived. I think I am going to cry later when I am alone .... anyway here are some photos of her big girl room and bed.

Tomorrow we clean and go shopping because on Wednesday she has a princess tea party. So much yet to do, yet I am still sitting here, so I better go, more later!

My Own TV Show

2011-07-05T09:28:00.000-07:00

You know when you watch an episode of House, or Grey's Anatomy, or any of those doctor shows, and the patient is told they need a certain procedure but they refuse, and the doctors are all mad and try to find a way to trick them into taking it, and you - the audience totally agree with the doctors, well I kinda feel like that evil patient that isn't willing to take a daily shots for a controversial clotting disorter that I have. It helps that the doctor admits it is a controversial treatment and he admits he is a very aggressive doctor, but it still sucks because if something does happen to this otherwise perfectly healthy baby it will be because of me and my body and my choices. All I can do is hope that by keeping things natural everything will work out, and hopefully I get lucky.

So if luck is in my favor, good luck that is, then we are going to welcome our second daughter into our family sometime in November. Her 20 week anatomy ultrasound today was perfect, she is happily moving all the time, which I was told is a really good thing. It means she is getting a lot of exercise. The doctor did say that it could also be because a) I am so thin and b) because my placenta is in the back so there isn't much blocking her movements. Of course being the worrier that I am, I figured she was moving so much because she was/is in agonizing pain, but I like the doctors explanation much better.

I got to see this little girl wiggle and move around for a good 20+ minutes today. I saw all kinds of body parts, her brain, her heart, her legs, hands, feet, head, nose, pretty much every little part on her body. The technician was pretty good at pointing things out to me. Oh - and I found out her second toe is longer than her first toe, which is just like my toe! I don't think Summer has a longer second toe, like her daddy, so maybe this little girl will have my feet. I don't know if that is a good thing or not, but very interesting.

Now the hard part, waiting 20 more weeks and finding a name. I really can't complain much, besides being ill I have had a fairly easy pregnancy. I mean being ill really sucks but at least I haven't had any complications. And if I hadn't turned 35 I would never have known about my controversial clotting disorder and I can pretend I am still 34 and be oblivious to that piece of information.

In other not so good news, I found out last Thursday that my OB doctor on Base, the one I picked because I would have one doctor follow and deliver me, will be gone on a two week TDY right before I deliver. Chances are he will not be around for the delivery. He wasn't happy, I am annoyed but that is a ways out and between now and then anything can happen. Maybe I will be late and he will be back, or maybe I will be early and he will still be here. Now we just have to wait ...

Brussel Sprouts

2011-07-03T21:04:00.000-07:00

I love this video of Summer trying to eat a second brussel sprout. She ate the first one.

Summer & Ana

2011-07-03T20:58:00.000-07:00

Born 13 days apart, Ana was actually due before Summer but Summer came early, Casey and I met when we were pregnant, so early that we didn't even know we were having girls yet. These girls have known each other since they were a few months old, they always get along, love playing with each other, are as different as can be yet have a lot of similarities.

Look at them now, playing together, jumping, laughing, squealing like little girls, and hugging :o)

I think my favorite picture of them together so far, they are so happy, this was a real hug and they are both looking at the camera!

Hopefully they stay friends forever!

Ready for the 4th of July?

2011-07-03T09:09:00.000-07:00

I guess we are ready for the 4th, with so much else going on we aren't really doing much this holiday, maybe a BBQ and sitting out front in the driveway popping legal fireworks while we watch illegal fireworks go off around us in the neighborhood. We did make a project together for the holiday with red and blue paint and our hands and feet - well Summer's hand and foot! I also started taking pictures again of my beautiful little girl, two nights this week, I am on a roll!

and I have been making hair bows, this one is for the holiday, wouldn't you say?

I hope everyone else has a wonderful 4th of July!

19 Week Comparison Belly Picture

2011-06-29T18:02:00.000-07:00

The picture above was taken with a sidekick 3 while pregnant with Summer at 19 weeks. The picture below was taken with an iPhone 3 while pregnant with ... well we aren't sure with who yet but also at 19 weeks. I think I look about the same. I did start this pregnancy 10 pounds lighter, however I think by this point I have gained more weight, maybe just a pound or two. Both photos were taken in a bathroom mirror, I found the same shirt, my hair is similar, not quite as curly and I am debating re-perming it.

Technology, you got to love it. No sense of style and having the same shirt almost 4 years later ... lucky I guess. I don't have any of the other shirts from my prior pregnancy because they were all maternity and I got rid of all those - oh well.

You are pregnant?

2011-06-28T05:48:00.001-07:00

I guess I don't look as pregnant as I feel. Several people (who don't know me well) have told me they didn't realize I am pregnant. Of course I feel huge but apparently I am not. What do you think, here is my 19 week belly picture taken yesterday. Of course without a shirt covering it does look a big bigger.

I have a doctor appointment on Thursday, just a normal I haven't seen you in 5 or 6 weeks appointment and I am hoping to get a quick ultrasound to make sure everything is ok, and to see between the legs. If not Thursday then maybe Tuesday when I have my big 20 week ultrasound. We actually picked out a boys name two nights ago too, first and middle, but have yet to find a good girls name. I am not going to tell anyone the name because when I told my mom she didn't like it much, not that it matters but I don't think many people will like it, so for now the name will be secret.

Besides being pregnant I have also been busy with Summer. Her dance recital is over, she did wonderful, we are on dance break for two weeks, at least with her dancing, I am still teaching at Oive Crest at Mondays and Summer always comes to help there. Here is a picture I took yesterday, the kids were passing the beanbag.

See that pink bow in Summer's hair - I made that! Luckily she is still wearing bows I guess. We also went to a furniture store yesterday and bought Summer a big girl princess bed. We ended up getting her a full or double that way mommy can sleep with her sometimes. Or maybe grandma, or whoever comes to visit. It is a really nice bed and will be delivered on the 11th of July, two days before her birthday. The bed was expensive enough, I am hoping maybe Papa will want to get the bedding for it :o)

So much going on in July, I am looking forward to birthday parties, the 4th of July, doctor visits, a gender reveal pool party, our 11 year anniversary, Summer's birthday, and all that the first half of the month. Then we are headed to the beach and I am having another party. Not sure what else I can fit in there but I bet I find a way.

Another Pregnant Post

2011-06-23T19:25:00.001-07:00

I am not a role model pregnant woman. I do not do pregnant well at all. I complain. A lot. Being pregnant is not really my thing, I am not good at it. I do like some parts of course but overall it is a very stressful time and I usually feel sick or not like myself.

Worry - this week I have worried about being too small and being able to feel this baby too much. Can you believe I would worry about that? It seems like this baby is moving 10 times more than Summer ever moved, not to mention I felt this baby 3 weeks sooner. This baby moves so much I wonder if I am squishing it. If I don't feel the baby I can press my stomach in and I guess it wakes the baby up because it will start moving. No one has felt the baby move on the outside but not because it isn't possible, because no one has patience around here! Well plus I don't think Summer gets it either.

Weight - I have only gained 8 pounds. Or, I have already gained 8 pounds. I would love to tell you that it is all in my stomach but I will be honest with myself - it is also on my sides and probably on my hips. If I had gained all 8 pounds in my stomach then maybe I wouldn't worry about the above mentioned. I see the doctor next week so hopefully he can smack some sense into me.

Working Out - Unfortunately I have not been working out. I still don't feel that great, it makes me worry, I am a baby and I have been super busy. Good excuses yes?

Nutrition - Every single time I eat something sweet, like candy, or ice cream, or cookies, the things I should not be eating anyway, this baby wakes up and kicks me a few times. This happens quite a few times during the day (see my worry post above) and makes me wonder what I am really doing to this little thing. I did buy some vegetables today and I have been munching on carrots but I just can't give up the sweets!

Leg Cramps - For over a week I woke around 4 or 5 AM to horrible leg, foot, and toe cramps. Everything I read said it was common and nothing would prevent it - not even bananas. They really don't know what causes these annoying "charlie horses" but I did find that drinking 80 FL OZ of water ceased the cramps at least this morning. I hope it continues to work, I am trying to drink a bunch of water.

That is all I can think of right now, more complaints another day ...

My Little Super Star in Video

2011-06-22T09:38:00.000-07:00

Before the show: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jf5dX3jRmok
Tapping to Panda Bear: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BFetnJ44Q6Q
Petite Ballet: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGRVvFDiWT4
Single Ladies: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wMtvoL9OkRE

Dermatologist

2011-06-21T09:38:00.000-07:00

Since having two cancerous moles removed from the back of my neck I take weird spots on my skin seriously, almost as serious as I take using sun screen protection. Sun screen does not kill you but cancer does, and will. I went to the dermatologist today because I had this spot on my forehead, that is not really visible, but it constantly flakes and hasn't healed in quite a few months. It turns out that it is damaged skin that needed to be treated, and watched. The doctor froze it with liquid nitrogen, which only stung and really not that bad. He also found two more "dry looking" spots on my arms that were also caused by sun damage that he froze for me. Now I have three nice red spots, one on my forehead (that really isn't that red) and one on each arm.

The dermatologist said I have type 1 skin, type 1 being the lightest most sensitive and the kind most likely to have issues. Besides the fact that I can remember several severe sunburns growing up I also used a tanning bed before I got married for at least several months. I wish I hadn't done that but at the time I wanted to be dark. Now I am happy with my "whiteness" and would never subject my skin, the largest organ on the body, to that kind of brutal damage! They make tanning lotions and they have spray on tans, there is just no need. You can get skin cancer from one single sun burn.

Did you know that most moles are simply the result of a harmless proliferation of the pigment cells within the deeper layer of the skin. A few of these moles, called congenital melanonaevi, are usually present at birth. But most develop spontaneously or are caused by exposure to sunlight and tend to appear on those areas of the skin that catch the most sunlight? I have a ton of moles, I am very moley, not something I like but it is who I am and I figure most of them were probably caused by the sun.

I make sure that Summer has on sunscreen whenever we are outside. She hasn't been burnt yet but she has gotten a little red and I felt so guilty. Luckily she doesn't have my skin but that doesn't mean she won't burn because she will if I am not careful.

Protect yourself and your skin, because I can testify to how painful and annoying it is to have moles removed.

I am still pregnant

2011-06-17T09:18:00.000-07:00

Can you believe I am pregnant, because honestly most of the time I can't. I don't know why I am still in denial, I am 18 weeks for goodness sakes! And the best news yet, I didn't even realize it but yesterday, and maybe the day before, I didn't even feel sick! I still don't have as much energy as I normally would but I went the entire day and didn't feel ill. 18 weeks, almost half way and I can't believe, even with all the kicking inside me, that I might actually have a baby in a few months. Of course I still have quite a while until November but wow, look at me now!

I have been feeling so much better and I hope it lasts. I really have no complains, I can eat more than I could, I am sleeping great (considering I get up and go pee several times during the night) and I am feeling this little one kick all throughout the day, which just seems crazy because I only started to feel flutters with Summer at 17 weeks. I don't have another appointment until the 30th and then I should find out the sex on the 5th of July. July is going to be a super fun filled month. Our 11 year anniversary on the 8th, Summer has a wedding on the 10th, she will be a cute flower girl I guess, her birthday on the 13th, oh and the 4th of July too!

Overall things are just going good, it is starting to really heat up in Las Vegas (finally) and my garden is giving me lots of juicy tomatoes, Ben & Jerry's made a new ice cream, german chocolate cake - and while I have yet to eat it no doubt it will be delicious. I have been busy, happily, painting shirts and making bows, Summer is getting so big and is still super cute! She has been swimming like crazy and is improving so much, she can now go under water and swim across her little pool!

I love the summer time - I think the sun is good for my mood :o)

More and More and More

2011-06-16T19:56:00.000-07:00

I think I might have a new addiction - shirts. I can get about 3-4 shirts done a day so they really don't take long. I have one more to paint and then I am all caught up on my orders :o( should that really be a sad thing? Oh well, here are some shirts I finished today and yesterday.

Whatever will I do once the 4th is gone?

Look what I made!

2011-06-15T10:39:00.000-07:00

I get so excited when I make something - especially something that actually turns out like I envisioned. It all started with button shirts, then it quickly moved to hair bows, but ultimately I wanted to do more shirts, with paint. I made two shirts yesterday, one for my friends son Noah and one for Summer. Both shirts are inspired by the upcoming Forth of July, one of my favorite holidays. What can I say, I love a good BBQ and hamburgers, I am truly all American. Anyway this is what I created.

The Noah shirt, or more importantly a shirt for a boy, since I have been making so many bows for girls I wanted to make something for a boy.

A big curly bow, love it!

The Summer heart shirt, with sewn on bow, she liked it!

Another big patriotic bow, because you can never make them big enough.

So, who wants a shirt?

First Vacation in 2011

2011-06-13T18:35:00.000-07:00

Our first vacation in 2011 was super quick but we managed to pack in a ton of stuff! We arrived late Thursday night and before heading 50 miles south to our hotel we stopped at The Black Eyed Pea for some chicken fried chicken. I guess we are one of "those" people who miss living in Colorado just because we loved that place, the fried okra, the peach cobbler ... anyway it was wonderful. By the time we arrived to our hotel we were stuffed and it was bedtime. Friday morning brought us an adventure further south to a mountain area with small lakes. It was a beautiful day and we managed to take a few cute pictures.

After we spent a few hours hanging out in the fresh air we ate at a small restaurant in some small town and the food was decent. We headed back to the hotel in the early afternoon to meet up with the rest of the incoming family who had finally arrived. After getting our hugs the girls decided it was time to swim in the motel's indoor heated to 90 degree pool. 5 hours later .... yes I said 5 hours! They swam so long they started to get a rash from the intertubes but they had a blast.

Saturday morning was the actual "reunion" and we had a big group of people. We ate, hung out and talked and the kids went swimming again for most of the day. I don't know how Summer didn't learn to swim as much as she was in the water. I am pretty sure she learned how to breath under water :o)

Here are a few people who were at the reunion - not all by far!

The girls playing in some rocks at the lake, the lake that was near our motel where many of the family reunion members camped.

Some train cars near our motel.

On Sunday most everyone left, well I guess everyone left - even us, but our flight wasn't until 7:30 PM so we had the entire day to find something to do. We decided we would go visit the sand dunes. It was pretty sandy but pretty cool!

Summer is such a pro at flying, she fell asleep and stayed asleep during the flight there and back. She is like me, the plane puts me right to sleep!

Next stop - the beach, coming in July so stay tuned!

Bows, Bows and More Bows

2011-06-08T20:09:00.001-07:00

I have been busy making bows. Well that and running to craft stores to buy more bow supplies. Addiction might be the term I would use. Sure my daughter can wear some of these bows but not ALL of these bows, so I am slowly giving them away to my friends, the ones who have daughters anyway. Poor little boys, what could I make them? I have an idea and I am actually working on that ... to be continued.

In the meantime I figured I should take some decent photos of some of the bows I made. Originally I wanted bows for the 4th of July but I saw some really cute and cheap ribbon and made a few other bows too. Here are a few I created within the last two or three days.

I keep looking up "how to make bows" online, and as soon as I find a new bow I have to see if I can make it. So far I have been able to make everything I see. It isn't enough, I want more and more!!! It is probably a good thing we are going on vacation because I seem to be spending a lot of time with a needle, thread, ribbons, and the hot glue gun. Oh and I figured out why they sell needles in packs because I bent my first needle and it doesn't work so well when you bend them. I still haven't figured a use out for my thimble but I do have one, and I had to buy one of those red tomato things to stick my needles in it so I wouldn't stab myself. I feel pretty crafty, ready to tackle the next project I have in mind. In the meantime if you have any bow challenges just let me know, I can do it!

Tomatoes & Bows

2011-06-07T19:00:00.000-07:00

I have been feeling 89.74% better, which is a lot considering how it all started. I usually feel great during most of the day - the worse part seems to be at night. I have been so tired at night that I haven't been reading, something I love, which is also why I am behind about 15 books! I will catch up eventually. Overall I guess things are going great, sometimes I don't even feel pregnant. I have been craving a lot of beef if I had to pick anything but I don't know how much of that is in my head...

Anyway enough about me - let's see some Summer! Today we picked our first garden tomato. It was juicy, ripe, red, and ready to eat. I guess anyway, I didn't even taste it but Summer gobbled the whole thing up!

I have also been feeling very creative. First was the button shirt/short set with a matching bow, next came patriotic hair bows. With the help of youtube videos I created two bows today, what do you think?

Next I plan on making some patriotic shirts, I can't wait!

16 Weeks

2011-06-04T14:13:00.000-07:00

I made it to 16 weeks. I hate to continue complaining ... but I am still somewhat sick. Not as sick as I was but still not normal. Plus my energy level is not normal either. Nothing seems normal anymore. I can eat more food, which is probably not a good thing, because then I feel so full it feels like my stomach is going to bust open. Not to mention the unhealthy foods I have been eating, Arby's roast beef sandwich anyone?

I woke up this morning on my back and it appeared that my stomach was nice and flat. Of course as soon as I got up and had breakfast it came back - from who knows where. Oh and I almost think I might actually have a baby, I mean it almost seems real now.

I guess I can't really complain, besides feeling a little sick ALL DAY LONG and not having my normal energy I am happy, content, I have really been feeling the baby move around, things could be worse. I am looking forward to our upcoming trip to Colorado, and then to the beach sometime this summer. A trip to Idaho sometime in the next few months. Plus Summer has a birthday coming up and will be turning 4 years old :o) She is also pregnant too - see.

I actually made something!

2011-06-04T08:59:00.000-07:00

I am a creative person, I constantly think of creative things to do or make or become. While laying in bed one night, because that seems to be where I do most of my creative thinking, you know instead of falling right asleep, I came up with the idea of making a button shirt. I thought it would be neat to make something out of buttons, some sort of design. I do not have a sewing machine nor do I really know how to sew, so buttons seemed like something I could do. I had zero materials but was determined to make this idea happen. I found a shirt at kmart for $2.50. I bought 2, a green one and a pink one. They were pretty plain. I also bought a pair of matching shorts for $2.50. I figured for that price it didn't matter if I ended up ruining them.

I bought bags of buttons for $5.99, thread for .99 cents, fabric glue for a few dollars, a pack of needles for a few bucks. Now I have a pretty neat little unorganized box full of stuff.

Oh I also bought some hair clips because I thought, you can't make a cute button outfit without making cute hair clips!

So, without further ado and a lot of button sewing by hand, I present to you my first creative piece of child clothing!

I would suggest one thing, don't sew the buttons on the back of the shorts. Now I have to clip all those off and redo it on the front of the shorts, but otherwise it turned out very unique!

I don't know yet how it will wash but I tied 6 knots in each button so I hope they stay on. I also don't know what my daughter really thinks of the insides, hopefully the knots aren't poking her, so far she hasn't said anything. Here is what that looks like.

I am so excited, I also bought a thimble but didn't end up using it, and some ribbons - I have an idea about a flag shirt and bows to match, so stay tuned!

New Friends and Food

2011-06-02T19:26:00.000-07:00

Summer made a new little green friend today. Have I ever mentioned how thrilled I am that my daughter is not afraid to pick up green crawly critters? Not afraid one bit! In fact we had about 4 or 5 of these green inchworms near our house in the flowerbed and Summer happily relocated them to the another flower bed and named one of them Daisy or something.

And in totally unrelated news ... I am still waiting on my garden to give me some food. I want a plump red juicy tomato and some onions and squash and ... well I haven't planted the okra just yet, maybe tomorrow, but I want okra too! The food all seems to all be getting bigger slowly, I blame the mild spring we are having!

As far as a pregnancy update, nothing new is happening. I am still sick but I guess not as bad. I go pee before I get in bed, again after being in bed about 10 minutes, usually again before I fall asleep, once or twice during the middle of the night, and as soon as I get up. I don't know how that is possible because I am not drinking as much water as I should be. I might if I felt better! I am ignoring the whole shot issue for now and just hoping for the best. I suppose my stomach is getting bigger, I had to buy a pair of maternity jeans for a trip to Colorado this coming week. I have a feeling Colorado is a bit cooler than Nevada. I do not have my energy back either, only about half. I want to do things but can't make myself do them. I shouldn't complain because I have started to feel *things* moving around inside my uterus and it is kinda neat and very reassuring. I keep thinking that I am imagining it but it is the baby moving and doing whatever babies do when they are in there. In just 24 more weeks, which sounds a lot like forever, I just might have a new baby to play with!

Adventures in Bonnie Springs

2011-06-01T18:31:00.000-07:00

Today at the very last minute possible we decided to take a trip to Bonnie Springs. Bonnie Springs is 5 miles past Red Rock and has a petting zoo, horse rides, an old western town, and a restaurant. Kris decided we should take his car and ride with the top down. It was very windy but an enjoyable ride with sun screen, sunglasses and hair bandanas.

There really wasn't much to pet but it did have a few cool things. In fact this one was running around loose and actually came up to me and ate some of my shirt, luckily it didn't rip it since I only have 4 maternity shirts. Can you guess what it is? I was actually surprised to see it myself.

After we finished with the animal part we went to the western town where I somehow managed to take zero pictures. It was really neat looking but I guess I just felt fat, bloated, a little sick, and the best I could do was walk without tripping so taking pictures was not on my mind. We did see two little western skits that Summer did not quite understand, but it was still enjoyable and the weather was nice.

We were hungry so we headed to the little restaurant and had an enjoyable and decently priced lunch. I had a pretty good burger if I do say so myself - my thing lately is hamburgers (bun, meat, cheese, tomato, lettuce, pickle - everything but the onion). After we left the restaurant we saw turtles and peacocks. I don't know what my deal is with photographing turtles either ...

As we were headed back to the car one of the ranch employees had a nice large snake that she had just caught! It was a rat snake and I knew that it was not poisonous and ate small mammals like rats and birds. I almost asked to hold it, and was thinking about putting it across Summer's shoulders to get a good picture but then I realized that probably wasn't a good idea because even though this cool looking reptile was not poisonous and didn't have fangs, it did have teeth and a mouth and would still bite. I took a picture of the lady holding it instead. Doesn't she just look super cool, at least what you can see of her anyway.

And that, my friends, is the extent of my photo journalism today. Eventually I will feel better, or, worse case in 25 more weeks I will deliver a baby and feel better, until then ...

Some Summer

2011-05-31T20:31:00.000-07:00

Finally I took pictures of my favorite daughter! She even mostly sorta cooperated. She had a little trouble staying still but she is only 3 so I can't really blame her.

Here she is swinging and looking cute.

Here she is making her mean face, so if you see this face you better run because it means she is mad or something ...

This is her cute pose, no clue where she gets these faces either.

Here she is jumping, which is what she was doing most of the time while I kept asking her to come sit and take pictures. She loves that trampoline and I really hope it is doing her core good!

I feel like she has changed so much in photos. To me her hair looks blonder and so much longer. Of course she was a mess tonight, her hair was in a ponytail but had mostly fallen, we had painted and she had paint and glitter all over herself, and she didn't bother to wipe the dinner from her chin, but I didn't mine because she is still so very cute! I need to take more pictures!

What Would YOU Do?

2011-05-28T07:31:00.000-07:00

If you were me and you had two different doctors, both who seem to care for you, telling you two different things, what would you do?

My specialists is telling me I have two genetic genes that have a problem. There is a potential for blood clotting which could cause miscarriages, stillbirths, not enough blood getting to the baby causing growth issues and pre-eclamsia. To fix this issue I would need to take a shot of levonox daily until 36 weeks. It is unclear whether these shots will really help but it certainly won't hurt the unborn baby I guess.

Hurting me is another issue. I don't know of too many people who enjoy giving themselves daily shots. Of course there are risk with using this drug too, bruising, bleeding internally, and I could go on - but regardless of the risk, remember I am a hypochondriac and it will be a pregnancy of torture to take these shots. Not to mention an ugly bruised belly.

The specialist said if it was his family member he would have them take the shots. Oh the guilt! He is a specialist, very highly trained and has a lot of letters behind his name. No doubt he really thinks it will help.

My OB doctor, who does not specialize in High Risk or even OB, has never heard of these genes because they are so new. What little he could look up about it didn't help convince him that shots would really help. Of course he doesn't live and breath high risk pregnancies either, but he is still an intelligent doctor.

If it was up to me I would rather let things be as they are. I don't want to take shots and ruin this happy pregnancy, not that it has been happy yet, I am still sick, but I was hoping I would be better soon. I don't want to harm this baby but I also don't want to be under constant anxiety during the rest of the pregnancy either. Summer made it fine without shots, can't this one make it too?

I told the specialist I would think about it and he told me to at least let him know what he decided. At first I didn't mind being high risk but now look where I am, stuck between taking shots and not. All because I turned 35 in April! If only I had never had the extra high risk blood work, but I did, and now I know.

I think I am going to call the OB guy on Monday and ask him if he did any more research and see if he still feels the same way. Then I have to make a decision. I am leaning on having a bit of faith in my body and this baby and hoping for the best without shots. What would you do?

Good Appointment, Mostly

2011-05-26T10:34:00.000-07:00

Today I finally saw the doctor who will deliver this baby. He is a very nice guy :o) The appointment went as planned, the nurse checked my blood pressure, took my temperature and checked my weight. 112/76, pulse 100+ (which is normal for me), temperature was 99.6 (which is also normal for me), weight was 135.2 which means I have somehow gained 4 pounds. The nurse also listened to the baby's heartbeat, 150. It didn't take her very long to find it, in fact I wondered if she had found mine instead but mine doesn't normally go that high, normally. I then went to see the doctor in the next room. The first thing I noticed was the bright red HIGH RISK sticker on the outside of my chart. Whatever. Rewind a week or two ...
The high risk clinic off base requested additional blood work 2 weeks ago to check for blood issues. I never heard back from them and figured it was all good, well it wasn't and it is. The doctor today got those results and could not understand them. He could not understand because the blood work requested is so new that he had never heard of it. Apparently the results said I have some sort of genetic blood thing that could cause me to have blood clotting or something. The other doctor requested me to be on a blood thinner, a shot I would have to take myself in my stomach. This shot would make me bruise easy and have horrible hypochondriac issues, not to mention the wonderful side effects, like the chances for internal bleeding. My doctor today however said that this test is so new that the verdict is still out on whether the shots actually helps. He wants to look into it more, find out the sources and for now we both decided that shots were not in my best interest. Shew. Then he did another ultrasound just to check and see how things looked. The baby was still there, squiggling all around, the heart beat was 158 this time. He tried to see between the legs but this baby had its legs together. He said if he had to guess from what he could see he would guess a girl, so ... it still might probably be a girl. He will see me again in 4 weeks and until then I guess I just hang out and go back to the gym. He was all for the gym. Of course I would love for my morning sickness to completely leave first, any day now, I am in my second trimester you stupid morning sickness! Summer would say, Mom we don't say stupid but you know what, this sickness is STUPID! Ok honestly it seems like it is getting better, I can at least make dinner most nights, not always eat it, but that is ok too.
Lastly I had to pick up some medical records at the hospital for my other appointment tomorrow. Ya the appointment with the off base cardio guy. I went to the cardiologist on base to request my records, since I had the testing done there, and had a heck of a time getting them. I guess it was over 5 years ago, February/March 2006 since I had the test - but still. After waiting I had to go to the actual record area and wait again to get the ER records from my SVT attack. More on that tomorrow after I see the cardiology guy.
Now I am at home, I heard the baby today, saw the baby today, I do not have to take shots, I have my cardio records for tomorrow, I stopped by McDonald's and grabbed a breakfast burrito for $1.08, life at this moment is good. In about an hour a bunch of friends are coming over to eat with me and play with Summer.

Mental Illnesses

2011-05-24T07:49:00.001-07:00

No one likes to talk about how weird they are, or I honestly think it is how normal they are, since so many people have some mental illness these days. When I was in my early 20's I was a normal healthy girl who never had a worry, until I moved to a different state, transferred jobs, bought a house, and found myself in the ER having a panic attack. Just like that I had a prescription for xanax, valium, and paxil. That is a lot of medication with strange letters, like the letter X and V. Not that that means anything ...

Over a short time I became medicated to deal with it and turned into a walking talking living zombie. I truly believe I am also a bit ADHD, without the ADD, mostly just the H, but Paxil took that away. My husband hated the new me, I didn't notice. What I did do while on Paxil was join a gym and went 4-5 times a week and started college, something I always wanted to do but was never able to conceive because it was going to take 4 years. So while having a panic attack is not something I would wish on someone else, it did end up being a blessing for me.

After having the initial panic attack, I only had 1 or 2 more of those, unfortunately I had several anxiety attacks until being medicated. After 8 months on Paxil I felt like I was ready to wean myself and see if I could manage my mental issues by myself. The doctor discouraged it if you can believe it. I cut myself off cold, which is a big no no when taking medication like that but I didn't know. I remember feeling spacey and nauseous but it didn't last long. Even off the medication I continued going to the gym and I finished my getting my batchelor degree. I also managed to stay sane without the medication.

Several years later and I am medication and panic attack free. It didn't happen overnight, I had to really work with it, conquer my fear of dying and random other fears. I am not left unscathed however, now I have something new to live with, something just as fun! Now I am a Hypochondriac. I capitalized it for the dramatic effect.

It doesn't affect me like the panic attacks, it only randomly bugs me. I have also never been officially diagnosed nor am I on any medication for it. Instead I just worry more than a normal person I guess. One time Summer was complaining about her stomach hurting. She was bent over on the floor. Kris said it was probably gas, I was pretty sure her guts were twisted and we were going to quickly end up in the ER undergoing major surgery. She farted and she was all better. Anytime I feel anything strange, a sharp pain here that lasted a second and never came back, I know it is some sort of cancer that will end up quickly killing me. Luckily I don't have that many strange short lasting pains I guess :o) and even better at least I don't worry about it, I made my peace with the fear of dying thing when I was having my anxiety attacks so even if I reckon I am going to die at least I am not afraid. I have a great life and I live life to the fullest and I think that helps.

The worse part, for me is taking a pill. I start to develop the symptoms on the paper whenever I take pills. Antibiotics, Tylenol, anything but a vitamin causes me a lot of unnecessary stress. Let's just say I avoid taking pills as best I can. Oh and if you want to mess with me, tell me I don't look good. I was working out at the gym with a friend one time and she looked at me and said, do you feel ok, you don't look good. I felt fine until she said that! I started to panic because it is obvious when you are about to have a stroke or a heart attack that your friend will be able to see it before you feel it.

I think it might run in my family too because my mom is also a bit of a hypochondriac. She also doesn't panic so it isn't a big deal for her either. We manage and for the most part it is just a part of who we are, weird, which makes us normal.

14 Weeks & Boys

2011-05-22T12:23:00.000-07:00

No Aunt Wendy my belly is not smaller now than when I was pregnant with Summer, in fact I am actually bigger, more rounder, more belly. At 14 weeks with Summer I had a pooch but I didn't really have a baby stomach. See for yourself!

And I started this pregnancy 10 pounds lighter and I haven't gained more than a few pounds. Well maybe 3 or 4, maybe 5 ...

Little Boys.

My husband is a great dad, a great father. He stayed home when I went back to work and took care of our 6 week old daughter by himself. He fed her, changed her diapers, put her to sleep, got her dressed, bathed her. This got me to thinking, if I have a baby boy he is going to have a baby doll complete with clothes, bottles, a crib, well he can use Summer's crib. Why wouldn't I want a little baby boy to learn how to love a sweet baby. Why wouldn't I want a son to learn how to change a doll and feed it. Why are so many people against little boys playing with dolls, don't they want them to grow up and be good loving dads?

And my son, if I have one, will play with a toy kitchen. I want my son to learn how to cook. And he will have a toy vacuum and a toy broom because I want him to learn how to clean. He will not have toy guns or toy swords because I don't see any reason to teach my little boy how to be violent.

Of course I will probably have another little girl but who really knows. What do I want? Well I thought I wanted a little girl and when the doctor said he thought it might be I thought, maybe I want a boy instead. Not that I get to pick but I will be happy with either. A boy would just be a new challenge, what kind of photo shoots could I do? But then again I never had a sister and I would love if Summer could have one. Girl names are easier too. Oh it doesn't matter, I will find out July 5th, I can wait, it isn't that long!

Super Random Stuff

2011-05-21T19:10:00.000-07:00

Right now I am eating dill pickles. What is it about pickles and being pregnant? And you know what, I will probably eat ice cream later, but not while I am eating these dill pickles. Something about my sour evening stomach and the vinegar in the pickles, well you wouldn't think it would be a good mix but it helps somehow. On that note I am actually feeling somewhat better. I am still sick but I think *hope* it is going away.

I had two more baby dreams. I had a little boy a few nights ago. I don't remember much about the dream because it was early in the night but it was a good dream. Early this morning I dreampt I had a little girl, born on June 25th and we named her June. She was fine, or healthy, which would be impossible considering I am not due until November, but it was also a happy dream.

There a self portrait of my 14 week belly. I kept holding it on, not on purpose, I have no clue why, so I had to take a few shots. Not to mention how hard it is to get the angle right using a cell phone. You get the idea, I have a belly.

Overall today was a spectacular day. We bought Summer a pool, I took her to see if she wants to play soccer this summer, she impressed the heck out of me! I can't believe how well she listened, how well she kicked the ball, how she even tried to put her foot on it to stop it, how much fun she had. I am still amazed and just in awe over how much better she did compared to the last class she took several months ago. I signed her up and she starts in June - I cannot wait.

She also got to swim in her pool today, she loved it. At first the water was freezing and she still got in. One the second round (once the sun went down) I added warm water and I bet she stayed in about an hour. She isn't scared to get her face wet either. We bought her a new "American" bathing suit, quite American too, right up that butt. My child cannot wear a one piece. She must have a long torso or something because all the one pieces just ride up.

Kris also grilled us lunch, steaks, burgers, broccoli, and I bought potato salad to go with - it was delicious. I am getting my appetite back and I can eat a bit more which makes me happy, I like to eat. Which also means I need to be careful now and stop the Oreos and Doritos and start munching on carrots. I am not giving up my Lucky Charms tho, not yet anyway!

Still Waiting

2011-05-18T10:03:00.000-07:00

I hate to be one of those people who wait for time to pass, but lately I am that person. April passed and I was happy it was over. Now I am waiting for May to pass. I should be enjoying each second, minute, hour, day, but I aint. Aint, I love that word. I am still so sick and it still sucks. I have better days and a few hours when I think maybe this is the end of the annoying morning sickness, but it isn't. Then I have moments where I think I will surely miscarry, but I haven't yet. I went to the gym on Monday and I had a lot of fun dancing around in the zumba class but of course afterward I dreaded what might happen because of it. What happened was that I am sore, nothing else, no cramping, no bleeding, no miscarriage. I keep telling people I should be better in two more weeks, but it seems like two more weeks has come and gone. I want to enjoy the pregnancy, not be one of those who complain, but honestly so far it has sucked. I had to give more blood this past Monday, for more testing, the week before that I gave blood twice. I don't mind giving blood, I do mind the ugly bruises on the inside of my arms. Oh and don't forget tearing the tape off, along with a bunch of hair. I am not normally a complainer but it is so hard when you have been sick for almost 2 months. A little voice in the back of my head keeps saying, what if I am not better in 2 weeks, what if this horrible feeling lasts the entire pregnancy, then what? I honestly don't know what I will do if that happens, I am almost crazy as it is!

Two nights ago I had my first baby dream. I dreamed I was delivering a baby, Kris was there to catch it, it came out head first, face up, a girl, right out onto the large diaper Kris was holding. She was way too small, a pound or two, but she was ok, cute, eyes open. Kris wrapped the diaper up to her neck and hugged her. It was a strange but reassuring dream. I think she had blonde hair, and it was real long, like the length a 2 year old would have, but by then I had drifted into being somewhat awake so that part doesn't really count. I didn't want to wake up but I have no control of that.

And in other news ... Summer is addicted to video games. Poor thing wants to play online games so bad, the only thing preventing her is skill; she must first master the ability to read, and she has to learn how to master two button combos, like pushing over and jumping at the same time. I really don't blame her for the addiction, look at her parents, it was bound to happen. I told her she was going to have a nerd for a boyfriend. Not that I will let her have a boyfriend. If only I could find a game that isn't such a baby game, one that actually teaches her that she enjoys. I am still looking.

Oh - and I am very stressed about her upcoming birthday. Should I have it here or there, what theme should she do, should I have it during the week or on the weekend, how much should I spend, should we buy her anything, does she even care? I called one place that sends a limo to the child's house and takes her and 10 friends to the party. She doesn't know what a limo is and I have never been in a limo so we won't be doing that party. I found another place that does pony grooming and riding and a BBQ's but how hot will it be in July, probably too hot to have a party outside. I think we might just have a party at the bouncy house again, why not, it was nice last year, it is indoors, cool, there is room for a lot of kids and parents, and it was fun. To be continued.

I love fresh food!

2011-05-16T09:18:00.000-07:00

I love to garden, it is easy, it works, it taste good. Last year I started my first garden box. I went to Lowes and bought 4 boards, nailed them together to make a box, bought that liner thing to keep out the grass, bought a bunch of dirt and planted tomatoes, strawberries, okra, and bell peppers. Everything produced but I learned a lesson, tomatoes spread and tried to take over the bed so this year I have those things to help them go up instead of all over. This year I also tried a few more things, squash, beans, onions. So far everything seems to be going great except the squash, these plants also spread and my spaghetti squash plant is trying to take over. I might rip it out but for now I am keeping an eye on it because it is showing promising flowers. So far we have already pulled green beans off the scrawniest plant and tons of strawberries. I see the tomatoes will probably be next, and maybe the yellow squash next. Who knew stuff would grow in Las Vegas? Of course we haven't hit the heat yet.

This is my garden bed, isn't it pretty? We painted the wood a light green too. I unknowingly put it between the sprinklers, the automatic ones, so I never have to actually water it!

Tomatoes ...

Green Beans, I cannot believe that plant actually produced green beans, it is so small!

Yellow Squash, looking good!

Summer actually ate one of those green beans raw too, she said it was ok.

Strawberries.

Onions ... which are suppose to compliment strawberries and the reason I bough them.

More tomatoes, I bought like 8 different kinds ... don't ask me why.

More tomatoes.

The annoying spaghetti squash, hopefully it calms down some.

I like having a garden, it makes me feel like maybe I could survive in the wild...

Wild Wild Jess!

True or False: Summer

2011-05-11T10:43:00.000-07:00

True or False time, see if you know the answers!

Does Summer like vegetables? This one is true, she is a great little eater, her favorite vegetable is probably the pea but she also likes carrots, green beans, asparagus (the tips), spinach, broccoli, cauliflower, and squash. She has not developed a taste for brussel sprouts yet.

Does Summer still take naps? This is False, she quit napping about 6 months ago. She use to sleep 10 hours and take a 2 hour nap. Now she sleeps 11 hours with no nap. Well sometimes she will fall asleep in the afternoon but it is pretty rare. She does fine without her naps, she is not cranky or overly tired at night so I am ok with it.

Does Summer drink a lot of water? Yes this is True, thankfully she normally asks to drink water over anything else, well over milk I guess because I don't keep juice in the house. I am lucky that she likes water as much as she does because I really like it too.

Is Summer scared of people in costumes? This one is False, bring on the Easter Bunny, Santa Clause, fake Dora's, or whoever else might be in a costume and she is happily hugging and loving on them. I have no idea why, I guess she is just one of those kids.

Does Summer like to pose for pictures? Well this one depends, I guess True because if I am taking a picture of something else she will ask me to take a picture of her and if the theme is her she is good for about 5-10 minutes but that is all.

Does Summer like going to bed? True! She has no issues going to bed at night. When 8:00 hits the clock she happily wanders up to her room (with one of us) and falls almost instantly asleep. And she stays asleep all night! Getting her to go pee before bed and brush her teeth, now that is a different story.

Does Summer play on the computer? True, she has several games set up on a computer upstairs, she knows how to get to her games (teaching games) and she can easily spend 30 minutes playing and learning. Since her dad and I are known for our own computer game addictions, I see this as being very normal for her.

Does Summer want to cut her hair short? False, Unfortunately Summer wants to keep her hair long, even though she constantly brushes the strands off her face. When her fingernails are long it results in scratches so we try to keep her nails cut short. I think that also helps her from biting her nails, a bad habit I know I had growing up.

Is Summer ready for a brother or sister? So True, she is excited and can't wait. She happily pats, rubs, and kisses my tummy often and one time even sang the baby a little song.

It's a girl!

2011-05-10T12:46:00.000-07:00

Maybe anyway. Of course I am only 12 weeks and it is really too early to tell but let me tell you about my awesome appointment today. This appointment was with the Center for Maternal-Fetal Medicine, a clinic off base that specializes in high risk patients, like myself, because I am over 35. I talked to a genetic counselor and got a 2D (and 3 or 4D) ultrasound. Because I am so old now the risk of having a baby with issues is higher. The 2D ultrasound was looking specifically for Down Syndrome. By measuring a bone in the nose and a fluid pocket in the neck, the doctor is able to tell your odds of having a baby with this symptom.

First let me just say that I was scared out of my mind. Not because I was at a high risk clinic but because I was going to find out if I was, or am, still pregnant. When they took my vitals my blood pressure was 117/75 or something low and awesome, but my heart rate was 98. It is not normally so high, well in fact it is normally that high when I have my vitals checked. So back to the ultrasound ...

There was a baby in there and its little heart was beating at 161. Summer's heart beat was often 161 too. The tech easily spent 20-30 minutes on her ultrasound, taking measurements, showing me arms, legs, and other things I didn't recognize. The baby was asleep for most of the scan but after a few pokes it woke up and adjusted so the tech could get a good reading on that neck fluid sack area. She then gave me 3 photos and said she would be back, the doctor may or may not come in.

What does that mean, he may or may not come in. Why did she say that, did she see something wrong. Was the sack that big. Does the doctor need to come verify. As I started to get all worked up I told myself to calm down because I have done this to myself before and it ended up being nothing, which was the case today.

The doctor came in and he was extremely nice (and good looking too!) Not that he has to look good but I had this one doctor that was a bit scary, not that matters, I just felt really comfortable while he explained all his credentials, he told me how long he has been doing this kind of work, and he said a bunch of more things but I don't remember what they were. What I do remember him saying was that everything looked good and he asked about my miscarriages. I might have more blood working depending on what I had in the past, blood work results that I hope are being faxed over to him today. He seemed so nice and acts like he really cares if I have this baby, which was really nice. Then he told me he was going to do something fun (with the ultrasound machine) and I said, what tell me the sex? He said that unless the baby was in optimal position it was really hard to see but ... and here's the girl part, he said based on the leg and hips it looked like a girl. Of course that isn't certain and who knows how good he really is to be able to tell that but the last time I was pregnant with Summer the doctor told me during a very early ultrasound that the baby was obviously a girl because she had a brain - he ended up being right too!
Anyway, it might be a girl, or it might not, the fact is I am still pregnant and this doctor is going to follow up with my blood work to make sure I don't have some strange condition that made my miscarry and caused me to have high blood pressure with Summer.

Oh, and he said that based on that fluid in the neck sack area the doctor is 75% sure the baby does not have Down's. The blood test I did after the ultrasound will confirm the other 20-24% when it comes in.

I have my big ultrasound scheduled for the 5th of July.

Today I am wearing maternity clothes for the first time, trying to drink more water, hoping the base hospital sends the doctor the test results from all my past testing, and now I am going to take my beautiful princess to the park.

Oh, here are one of the photos too!

Losing Weight

2011-05-09T07:39:00.001-07:00

Are you overweight? No matter if you are or not, you probably think you are. I am one of those people who always thinks I need to lose weight. Not in a dangerous way, I think it, I just don't ever do much about it. Not much weight either, just like 10-20 pounds. Since I have been trying to get pregnant for the past 2+ years I remember thinking if I got pregnant I wouldn't have to worry about losing weight. If I did get pregnant I could just eat what I wanted and be happy. That was before I joined a gym and actually lost those 10 pounds that I thought made me fat. March 2011 I reached my ideal goal of losing those last 10 annoying hard to lose pounds. I was looking forward to wearing a bikini and going to the pool. I was looking forward to shopping for summer clothes. I was looking forward to staying in shape and possibly teaching a class at the gym. Then I found out I was pregnant.
Of course I was happy, I mean it took forever to get pregnant and I had given up. I am 35, getting to old to have a baby and just didn't figure I would be a mother of 2. But I will admit that just having reached my weight goal and finding out I was pregnant was a bit of a sting. I didn't think the same as I had before, I don't want to eat whatever I want, I don't want to forget about how hard I worked to lose the weight and how I was going to get fat. I want to be a fit pregnant mom, I want to eat healthy. Of course that hasn't happened either! I blame morning sickness and the fact that I can barely eat anything nor can I stand the taste of water. Hopefully it goes away, I keep telling everyone it will, it better. In two more weeks I want to be back at the gym, taking it easy but still going, eating healthier, drinking water, taking my vitamins that I just can't seem to swallow anymore.
I have had two people tell me it looks like I have lost weight. I must be losing it somewhere and gaining it all in my stomach. I can't fit in my pants but I haven't gained weight so it must be reposition itself. My loving husband bought me my first maternity pants for mother's day, they are so comfy, I really needed them. I also bough myself some summer dresses thinking I should be able to wear and hide the belly in those.
Anyway, I am still pregnant today and I guess I may stay pregnant and I don't want to be one of those people that thinks just because I am pregnant I can eat whatever, gain all the weight I want, quit working out ... I mean I have quit working out and I am not eating healthy but I want to go back to how it was, I want for this morning all day sickness to be gone so I can get back on with my life. Just because I am pregnant and old doesn't mean I shouldn't be able to be normal. I kinda feel like maybe my body has put itself on bed rest, maybe for a reason, or maybe I am just not one of the lucky ones who can function normally in the first trimester. Well whatever the reason, I hope it goes away soon. I am ready to start functioning again. At least I haven't gained a bunch of weight I guess.

My c-section trauma

2011-05-06T08:28:00.001-07:00

Every surgery has risks. To say that a c-section is an easy surgery would not be the truth. Just because so many women are getting c-sections doesn't mean the risk and terrors aren't there. This is not just another c-section story, this story is mine. I do not want to scare anyone with my tale, sometimes c-sections are unavoidable, but if you think of a c-section as just another normal procedure, maybe this will make you think again.

In my case the c-section was unavoidable. Of course I wanted a vaginal birth, don't most women? Since my daughter was breach and the cord was prolapsed and my water broke, there wasn't much else they could do except quickly delivery my baby girl. One of the good things about it being such a quick emergency was that I didn't have the pre-surgery jitters. Before I really knew what was happening they had my IV in, my catheter in, I signed a bunch of paperwork, and we were being whisked away to an operating room. To think I never even researched what it meant to have a prolapsed cord until now?

What is a cord prolapse?

Cord Prolapse also called an Umbilical Cord Prolapse - or UCP - is a very rare obstetrical emergency which can result in a birth injury or worse.

It is when your baby's umbilical cord descends alongside - or before - his head (or his bottom or feet if breech). A cord prolapse can be life threatening to your baby since blood flow - and therefore oxygen - through his umbilical cord is usually compromised due to cord compression.

Yet keep in mind that a cord prolapse is very rare and occurs in 0.14 to 0.62 percent of all births. In a study performed at the John Radcliffe Hospital between January 1984 and December 1992, the incidence of cord prolapse was 1 in 426 births or .23%.

I guess this is a very rare thing, which probably explains why I was in the operating room so quick.

I remember being wheeled into the operating room, the very brightly lit, yet somehow very cold, operating room. It seemed like there were 10 people in the room working on this and that. I had to change beds and sit up while a student attempted a spinal block. I don't remember the stick really hurting that bad. After two failed sticks the actual doctor got it in. It seems like I always get stuck with the students and I try not to complain. I goo laid out, people were busy all around me. I was covered with blankets, my legs had air things on them that massages so I don't end up getting a deadly blood clot. I had an air mask over my face. There was a lady nurse near my head asking how I am doing. I think I am doing ok considering. Kris comes into the room, they tell me they are about to start, I tell them I am not numb yet. I tell them again I am not yet numb but apparently they already cut so I guess I was numb after all. Being cut and not being numb is a fear of mine. Kris was holding my hand, the nurse at my head asked me to take deep breaths. I asked Kris, "am I taking deep breaths?" because I honestly can't really tell. I just want it to be over and it seems like it took forever! I feel the pressure but I don't remember it hurting, Kris asked me if I heard the baby, I don't, then I do, then I feel relieved. I see a little scrunched face peeking out of blankets and a hat and then she is gone, Kris is gone and I am still laying there for what seemed like forever while they finish putting me back together. Then I start to shake uncontrollably. Apparently this is normal, but quite terrifying. I can't stop shaking, I want them to hurry up and finish, I have no idea how much the baby weighed, no one is really talking to me and I can't stop shaking. I don't know how long it took to finish but it seemed like forever. I don't know how long I shook but it hurt. After they finished for what seemed like an hour I was rolled to a recovery area, alone. I wish I could have slept but this was around 8:30 in the morning and I was not tired. I laid in the recovery room shaking, listening to the blood pressure monitors beeping alarms. A nurse would come over and tell me to relax, ask me if I could feel my legs. I guess they would put something in my IV but nothing stopped the shaking. Shaking. If I had to pick the worse thing about the entire procedure it would have to be the uncontrollably shaking. Next would be the fear that my blood pressure was going to cause me to stroke out. Of course now that I think back I realize they have medication to prevent that but I was still about to have a panic attack thinking about it.

So my morning had started out normal until my water broke, now a few hours later I found myself laying in a recovery room, shaking, no longer pregnant, no clue where my husband and baby were, not even sure if my baby was ok, no idea how much she weighed or how tall she was. I didn't know how long it would take me to recover, I didn't think I would ever stop shaking, and I was quite certain my blood pressure was going to kill me.

But as they say, time heals. I don't know how long I was there but by the time they wheeled me into the room it was still sometime in the morning. I delivered at 8:11 so it couldn't have been more than a few hours. When I entered the room I saw Kris holding our baby, looking at it like he couldn't believe it. They hooked me up to a bunch of contraptions and left. We were alone. I finally found out how big Summer was, 7 pounds, 11 ounces, and how tall, 18.5 inches. I finally got to hold her and look at her for the first time. I finally got to take off her little hat and see that she had light brown/blonde hair. I got to smell her, kiss her, and think about how wild it was that this little thing came out of my body. I used my phone to take pictures of her and sent it to all of my friends and family. I called my mom. After all of the trauma I had gone through I now felt ok. I mean I wasn't all better, I was still healing from being cut open, still worried about my high blood pressure, dealing with a catheter, I was hooked up to IVs, annoyed at the leg massages, trying to blow into the plastic ball thing, bleeding, wearing a hospital gown, but all that didn't seem as bad.

I still remember the fear, the shaking, and the joys but time did eventually heal me. It all worked out for the best. While my c-section was necessary and while they are commonly practiced, it was still a very scary and traumatic experience for me. Of course it was worth it and if I have to do it again I will, but I sure hope I don't have to.

In Hiding

2011-05-05T09:40:00.000-07:00

I really haven't been hiding her, not on purpose. She is still just the cutest little thing. Due to being so sick I just haven't been taking her photo as often, if at all. She has been such a little trooper through all of this mess, she understands I am always sick and hasn't ever complained. I guess she doesn't care if the house is a mess, if there are dishes in the sink, if her room is a complete disaster. I haven't changed her sheets in ... well I would rather not admit it, and she has yet to say anything to me. I hardly take her out of the house but why would she care when her daddy is picking up the slack. Daddy has been taking her to dance lessons each Friday and after they dine at Olive Garden, which just happens to be her favorite restaurant. She gobbles up the chicken alfredo and does a good job on the salad too. Papa has been extra special too, keeping her busy every morning before he has to go to work and spending all day with her on his days off. And yet somehow I find we are closer. She loves me and understands I am sick, she understands that I can't play with her, that I need to sit down, lay down, read a book. She still gives me hugs, gives me kisses, tells me she loves me this much as she spreads out her arms. She always smiles when I smile at her. She is truly more than just my special little girl, she is a best friend, she makes me laugh, she makes me smile, she makes me so proud. She is silly and funny and cute and smart. She has taught me patience and understanding. Sometimes I forget she is only three, until I remember her birthday is coming up in July and I panic because I have no clue what we are going to do for her party! She is so easy going and easy to love and just plain wonderful. I am so lucky.

Stay at Home Mom

2011-05-04T08:23:00.001-07:00

I would love to say that transitioning from a full time working mom to a full time stay at home mommy was an easy transition but that would be a lie. Here I am a year and a half later doing something I never imagined, something I never thought I wanted, something I never thought was possible, and it wasn't easy. Prior to October 2009 I had worked since I was 17. I loved working, I loved making money, I loved having responsibilities. I was an excellent employee, I gave the companies I worked for everything I had. I helped the employees I worked with. There was rarely a day I didn't want to go to work. When I became pregnant with Summer there was never a doubt that I would go back to work. Work was all I knew, it was me. I was successful, I had a job most people never even dreamed about because it was so unreal. I was doing something I loved, helping a company succeed, helping employees wherever I could. Having a baby just meant that my life after work was going to be crazy, almost as crazy as my job.
After 5 years with my company I found myself laid off in the mists of one of the worse economical conditions in my lifetime. My company decided to relocate out of state and I had to find a new job. Kris was currently staying at home taking care of Summer while enjoying a small military retirement. I was the one who brought the money into our home. Even with unemployment rates at their worse, I didn't think I would have any problem finding a new job. Within 2 weeks of searching and submitting resumes I had an interview. It was a promising position, one I did not really want because of location but one I was certain would be mind. I never got a second call. I couldn't believe they didn't call me back. After sending out at least 100 more resumes during the last month with my company I was starting to get discouraged. I was making good money and realized that I wasn't going to be as lucky with another job.
In October 2009 I found myself at home with my husband and daughter. What do we do now? I had a severance and a savings and didn't really need to worry for at least 6 months but I didn't want to have to live on it. We lived life as normal as we possible could, we spent money like we always had assuming I would eventually find a job. For the first time ever I found myself in a position that made no sense. I had no idea what I should do with myself. Right after I left work I started teaching a mommy and me dance class. This occupied an hour of my time each week and allowed Summer to go to a free dance class. She already had 6 months worth of lessons and had no problems adjusting to me as her instructor. I still found myself on the verge of a boredom breakdown. Right before leaving my company I created a local Las Vegas mommy group in hopes of making some friends. I can honestly say that it was one of the best things I did, I ended up making several wonderful relationships with other women who to this day are still helping me pass the time and escape the boredom. Before I became a mom and made mommy friends I would say I had no real girlfriends, I only had coworkers.
That six months was a strange time in my life, I registered Summer in several classes at a local recreational center to help pass the time. She ended up taking an art class, gymnastics, dance, karate, soccer, and cheer-leading. The rest of my week was spent hanging out with my new mommy friends, with a regular weekly trip to a bookstore scheduled on the calendar. It took about 6 months for me to really enjoy being a stay at home mom, I now found myself becoming a busy on the go stay at home mom and this was something I could do.
After the six months was up we found ourselves on unemployment and still jobless. Kris decided he better look for a job because we could not afford to live off of his retirement and my unemployment. Kris ended up having an interview, I was certain he would get the job, and he didn't. Then he called a friend who told him he had a job for him only to find out his clearance had expired and he couldn't work there. It was a stressful and confusing three months, to make up the income Kris sold magic cards on eBay. I starting thinking about going into the photography business but knew that would not solve our income, or lack of income, situation. Kris and I always enjoyed shopping and eating out, but during these three months we found ourselves without anything to do together. By July luck struck, and just in time. Kris ended up getting a job that a good friend of ours told him about. It would be the dream job he always wanted.
After we found ourselves back in the saddle I joined a gym with one of my good friends. My new stay at home mom schedule found me teaching dance and Mondays and going to the gym on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays. On Friday I met with other mommy friends at the bookstore. The weekends were spend taking pictures of people who liked my photography. I was busier now that I had ever been. After being a gym rat for 6 months, enjoying zumba classes, belly dancing, sculpt, I finally lost the last 10 pounds that had been holding on since I turned 30. I would have lost it sooner had I actually changed my diet but I was in no rush, I went to the gym because I enjoyed it, not because I felt like I had to go. Summer also liked going to the gym for an hour each day, she would play with her friends and color me a picture.
It took me a long time to figure out how to be the best stay at home mom I could be. I never thought I would quit working. I worry about the gap in my employment. One day I will want to work again, I think, and how hard is it going to be to get a job now. I am fortunate that we can afford to have me stay home and raise our daughter, even better since it looks like we will be having another. I admit I miss working. I was good at my job, I was respected, I knew what I was doing, people looked to me for help. I made great money, I had good benefits. Working was rewarding, I got bonuses and awards. Now if I do a good job raising my daughter no one really notices unless I tell them. If the house is clean - it is to be expected. The thing that helps me the most is hearing my daughter tell me she loves me, and knowing how much I am impacting her life. When I take her to a class I am giving her opportunities. When I feed her a healthy lunch and make her drink water instead of juice I know that I am providing better for her than someone else might. I know that by being there for her I can help make her be the best little girl she can be. I am not perfect and she doesn't expect me to be, I tell her I make mistakes and try my best. We have a wonderful relationship, it is rare for her to act up. I don't know what kind of person she is going to become but hopefully by staying home with her she will appreciate it as much as I do. I thank my husband for working so hard so that we can live this way, I am glad he likes his job and glad that I like mine. I never would have thought that I would be a stay at home mom. It goes to show you just how crazy life can be.

Bathrooms

2011-05-03T10:05:00.000-07:00

Today I woke up and thought, maybe I am not really pregnant. I thought this after I got off the scale and discovered I haven't gained any weight. I don't even really look pregnant. Well, maybe after I eat my stomach sticks out but that doesn't mean anything. Can I really be almost 12 weeks with no weight gain? Of course no weight gain doesn't mean my pants still fit, so tell me exactly how that works. I feel pretty good today too - so far - so that doesn't help my thoughts either. I have a 2D ultrasound in one week to check for abnormalities, like Downs, since I am so old and all, I suppose after that appointment I might actually think I am pregnant again.

This morning I went to the store and bought a bunch of greens and fruits. Romaine Lettuce, Spinach, Cilantro, and Chard. I didn't mean to buy Chard, I meant to buy Kale. I don't even know what you use Chard for. I have a book with recipes for green smoothies and I could have sworn it said Chard. It said Kale and I don't see Chard anywhere. Now what am I going to do with this Chard? I will keep looking for a smoothie recipe that includes Chard, surely there is one. Anyway my first green smoothie consisted of Romaine Lettuce, Mango, Banana, Orange, and water. I gave a glass to my daughter and one to my father in law and told them to try really hard to drink it. I heard my daughter say Yuck. I don't think it taste that bad, and my blender did a pretty good job of mixing it all up. Of course as I am drinking it I am chewing on small pieces of something, lettuce, or ?

This past weekend Kris took Summer shopping. He takes her quite a bit, he is a good dad like that. They went to one of the shopping areas on the strip. While there Summer had to go pee. Kris had to take Summer into the men's bathroom. He told me that he had Summer cover her eyes while he hurried and escorted her into a stall. Luckily a clean-ish stall since most of the men's bathrooms are not the cleanest. While rushing her into the stall he said she was really loud and saying "why do I have to cover my eyes?" Family bathrooms are making an appearance but apparently there were none where they were. We were out eating on Sunday and Summer had to go to the bathroom so Kris took her. Unfortunately this bathroom was not clean, it was disgusting, which is the norm for a guy bathroom from what I understand. I guess soon Summer will just have to start going into the women's bathroom by herself while he stands right outside. She can do most everything herself, maybe not reach the soap or paper towels, but for the most part she can at least go by herself.

Morning Sickness Sucks

2011-05-02T07:11:00.000-07:00

I know it will all be over eventually, but in the meantime I am losing months, weeks, days, hours. I wake up feeling sick but able to get up, get something to eat, able to sit at the computer and do a few things. I eat thinking that will make me feel better. I drink thinking that will make me feel better. I look around the house at the mess I have not been able to clean for the past month and try not to let it bother me. I look at my daughter and try not to worry about what she must think, how different our life has been in the past month, how we were so busy running here and there and now we sit at home day after day while I lay in bed. She doesn't seem to really notice, or care, at least she seems to love me just the same, if not more. Maybe because I am so darn emotional and all I can do is tell her how much I love her and hug her and kiss her and cuddle with her. She has started falling asleep in my bed because we have been cuddling lately. I love cuddling with her, she makes me feel safe and not as sick, or at least I tell myself that. No doubt some of the sickness is in my head, I mean I know it is there but if I am busy, if I have something to do I don't notice it as much. It is harder to make yourself clean the house to forget the annoying nausea, easier to leave the house, yet so hard to leave the house. I would rather feel sick in my own house, near my own toilet, just in case. My morning sickness starts to get worse in the afternoon, I don't know why, I don't know if it is something I ate, or didn't eat, or lack of water because it taste so bad I can't hardly stand to drink it. By the time dinnertime comes around I am usually too sick to even eat, though I usually make myself, and that doesn't make me feel better, or if it does I am still just that sick. When it is 6:00 pm I find myself looking at the clock waiting for 8:00 pm when I know Summer will go to bed, because then I can go to bed. Even though I am not tired at 8, I know that sleep is my only relief. Somehow the sickness is better when I sleep. Still there but I don't dream of it all night. I have to get up and go pee several times a night and the sickness reminds me where I am. It takes me awhile to fall back asleep, to the sanity I need so bad. Upon waking after 9 or 10 hours, where my body and mind are no longer tired, even if I yearn to stay asleep, I just can't sleep any longer, I hope today will be the day that I feel better. But it isn't going to be today, I felt the morning sickness again as soon as I started moving around, before I even opened my eyes. So I lay there and wonder what I can do to make it better, what I might eat for breakfast, what I might drink. I think about the things I need to do, dishes, laundry, getting dressed, Summer. I think about how sucky this is for Kris, working and listening to me complain again, for yet another week, hearing me say how it should all be over in a few more weeks. How I need him to do more, more, it is never enough. I think about hiring a maid for the day but I don't want to be laying around while someone else has to work, and I don't feel well enough to go anywhere. I am not even really that sick, I mean I could go somewhere if I had to go, I just don't want to leave, don't want to make myself strong, I don't want to leave the comforts of my home. One day I will just wake up and I will feel fine. I won't notice it at first, but then it will hit me and I will immediately worry that something is wrong. Why am I all better? Not today, hopefully only a few more weeks. My sanity seems to be holding out for now, I am prepared to deal with today as best I can, do what I can, try to push myself to do more. Right now I also have a headache and a burning sensation in my stomach, maybe the cereal was a bad idea, or maybe it was the milk. Or maybe I need to drink some water. Maybe I should take my vitamin, maybe it does help me feel better. Maybe something exciting will happen today, or maybe not. Morning Sickness Sucks!

Back at it?

2011-04-30T14:08:00.000-07:00

March 15th

4 Days late, decide to buy an $8.00 test from Albertson's. A lot to spend on a test but I was already there. Not expecting anything but at least knowing will stop the what ifs,

March 16th

7:00 AM: Now I am 5 days late so I decide to get up and test before Summer wakes. I am surprised she is even still asleep /shrug. I go into bathroom, grab the $8 test kit from bathroom closet, try to keep the cat off my lap while I try to pee correctly on the little stick. Before I even finish peeing I start to see the + sign appear. I thought these tests could take up to 2 minutes.

7:02 AM: Sitting on the toilet in shock. Over 2 years of trying and it is positive? What the heck am I going to do now.

7:03 AM: Freak out a little. Wonder who I should tell. Should I tell my husband, should I try to keep it a secret from him a bit longer. Will he even believe me because we have been here before, of course that test was very faint. I decide to take a picture of the test on my iphone and send it to him in a text.

7:05 AM: Send him a crappy picture with the following "Ummm this was positive immediately. I guess I am day 33 today." He replies with " ....." followed by "Noway". I text back "I'm in a bit of a shock"

7:06 AM: He calls and we talk for about 5 minutes. We decide not to tell anyone given my background.

--- BACKGROUND ---

In 1997 after being on birth control pills for 10 years I stop taking them and get pregnant immediately. I find out I am pregnant on my 21st birthday. A day or two later I start spotting, so I go to the hospital. Ultrasound does not show a baby and assumes I miscarried. I think I am 4 or 5 weeks, really early anyway. I am only 21 and it does not upset me. Miscarriages are normal, says the doctor, they happen all the time.

In 2004 after convincing Kris that I really want a baby, he finally gives in, we try, I get pregnant the first month. Things are going as planned until I go in for my 11 week appointment. They cannot find a heartbeat and the ultrasound is still. The baby apparently quit growing around 8 weeks. I decide to wait it out and miscarry naturally. A week later major cramping and a ton of blood. The following week more cramping and bleeding leads me to the hospital where I end up having to have a D&C suction for an incomplete miscarriage. All the blood is a bit traumatic.

In 2005 we decide to try again and again get pregnant the first month we try. At around 5-6 weeks I start bleeding. To the hospital I go, finding no heartbeat so I immediately schedule a D&C, not wanting to go through a miscarriage and seeing all the blood again. As I am in the hospital completing the paperwork for a D&C I start cramping. I go into the bathroom and miscarry right there and freak out. Luckily the doctor was nice enough to assist and make sure it completed. I do not end up needing a D&C.

In 2005 after three miscarriages I decide to see a fertility specialist. All test are completely normal, doctor tells me to get pregnant again and see what happens. After several months we don't get pregnant. Clomid should help. Doesn't work. Next step is IVU. I don't want to spend $10000 and have several shots given. No way Kris would be up for that anyway. I leave and figure it just isn't going to happen.

In November 2006 I am on vacation visiting family and realize I am late. I get home and after being almost two weeks late by now I figure I must be pregnant. Blood tests confirmed. This is my fourth pregnancy. I am not hopeful at all but glad I actually got pregnant. I call fertility doctor to ask what I can do to prevent this one to miscarry, he says nothing. I ask OB doctor what I can take, again the answer is nothing. Nothing obvious is causing my miscarriages so nothing can be done to prevent them.

December 2006 I am extremely sick. By 9 weeks I am in the hospital getting IV fluids for severe dehydration. I feel like I am going to die. I have lost 10 pounds in 1 month. I ask if I can get an abortion because I am worried I am going to lose my job. The military does not do abortions and tells me the sickness will eventually pass.

The all day and night morning sickness passes in January 2007 after 6 weeks of misery. I missed most of December, Christmas, New Years. I depleted my vacation and sick time at work. But I am alive!

Smooth sailing through June 2007. Then I find out baby is breach and I am starting to get high blood pressure. Bi-Weekly monitoring. 1 Failed attempt to turn baby. C-Section is eminent. C-Section is scheduled for 7/24, the day before my due date, but they planned to attempt another turn and induce. It didn't matter because on 7/13 I woke up and my water broke. Rush to the hospital because I know she is still breach. Find out I have a prolapsed cord, fastest c/s ever! Healthy 7 pound, 11 ounce baby girl is born at 8:11. I blogged about the day here: http://create-it-all.blogspot.com/2007/07/happy-birthday-summer.html

--- BACK TO THE PRESENT ---

March 17th: I have now known for 2 days and some hours. I feel hopeful. My stomach feels really hard and has a lot of pressure but I wonder if it is all in my head or not. I am trying not to become consumed with it but so far I am failing. Here's to hoping the month passes quickly and 8+ weeks comes and goes.

March 25th: I am 6 weeks and I am starting to get sick.

March 31st: I go to the hospital for an annual pap, an appointment I made prior to knowing I was pregnant. They wouldn't do it but put in the request for my blood work to confirm I am pregnant. I told them don't bother calling with the results, I would just wait for a call from the OB clinic.

April 1st: I am 7 weeks and I am really sick.

April 6th: The OB clinic calls to schedule my first appointment. My mom is in town visiting, if you consider watching me lay in bed all day visiting ... My aunt also arrives.

April 8th: I turn 35. I do not get out of bed for long.

April 14th: I see an OB doctor for the first time because I am considered High Risk. I am almost 9 weeks, I see the baby on the ultrasound. My blood pressure is fine. The baby looks bigger than I figured it would. I weigh 131 which is 10 pounds lighter than when I started with Summer, because I haven't gained any weight. I am still not excited yet, anything can happen.

April 30th: I am now 11 weeks and still sick, but honestly it isn't as bad as it was with Summer. I have only thrown up three times. I can eat. I have trouble drinking water and taking my prenatal vitamins. I keep telling myself three more weeks. I miss hanging out with all my friends. I miss going to the gym. I worry about my thighs. I have been reading a ton of books, I read two books in the past two days. Most of the time I don't really think about anything except breathing and trying to stay comfortable. I feel bad about the time spend laying around but then again I don't. I hope it is worth it but I know anything can happen. I have a long way to go. I am not sure when I will feel safe. I have another ultrasound in 10 days, because of the High Risk status. Maybe I should worry about the test coming up but I don't. I can't change anything anyway. I am actually optimistic, I know whatever happens will happen and I will handle it. Whose to say whats best anyway.

So maybe I am back blogging for awhile.

Pictures?

2011-01-10T08:53:00.000-08:00

Life has taken a turn for the super busy, and I changed a setting on my flickr which made my pictures go away. I don't really want to fix it because I just don't have time! I may be stopping this blog for a while with intentions to work on my other blog more - and I will be working on a book this year too, so many exciting, but busy, things happening. Don't fret, follow me on facebook and get your picture fix, and one day - maybe soon, I may be back.

New Years Eve

2011-01-03T22:45:00.000-08:00

What did YOU do for New Years Eve?

I can tell you what we didn't do - we did not stay up until midnight, even though I told Summer she could. In fact the plan was to stay up and party until 2011. We headed over to a friends house around 7:00, lots of drinks, food, good company, things were going as planned until 8:38 PM when Summer announced to Kris and I that she was ready to go home. Home? "Summer, I told you - we are staying all night, you can stay up late. Do you want to go lay down in the back?" to which she replied "yes" and that was the end of that. Kris looked and me and I looked at him and we both just shrugged our shoulders. We were not disappointed - in fact sleeping is one of my favorite past times, so we decided to leave the party early, like we have done for the past 3 years, head home and put our baby to sleep in her own comfy bed. She was so tired, we figured it would be less than 5 minutes in the car that she would be asleep, we were wrong, it was more like 3 minutes.

All in all it was still a wonderful holiday, we spent a few hours with our good friends, Summer got to party for a bit.

And of course - pictures. I always show cute pictures don't I? Here is a picture of Summer earlier that afternoon - wearing bright red lipstick that she picked out and posing for the camera!

And here are pictures about an hour after that when Summer decided she would decorate her face like Halloween for New Years. Yup I was a little confused myself, luckily she used markers and crayons made for her white board and it came right off.

Our New Years Day tradition is lunch at Red Lobster so that's what we did. The rest of the day was spent enjoying nothing, or doing nothing rather. It was nice. I hope the rest of the year is just as nice and I expect it will be.

Christmas

2010-12-28T16:01:00.000-08:00

Christmas Eve - we opened two gifts, a cute purple bathrobe and some purple pajamas.

We wrote our letter to Santa while we munched on a carrot that was suppose to be for the reindeer. The letter says: "Santa ---- I want a hippo and a baby --- Summer. We left the letter with the plate of cookies and the carrots that were left where Santa could find them.

Christmas Morning - We opened our gifts. We were very happy with them.

We looked really cute while we opened our gifts.

And didn't mind all the mess on the floor.

and there was a lot of wrapping paper on the floor.

We tried the scooter too, not worrying about how messy and cute our hair might be.

We loved everything about opening gifts.

Especially hippo pillow pet gifts.

We tried on some of the gifts, some were very slippery.

One of our gifts, the one from Santa, was waiting outside in the backyard. We spent a lot of time on that gift.

It was fun, I think we should do it again next year.

My Little Panda Bear

2010-12-26T09:09:00.001-08:00

Over this already extremely busy holiday season, Summer had 3 dancing performances. Her little group of girls tapped and sang to Panda Bear. Her first performance included two of her little friends. They were so cute, danced perfectly, and sang as loud as they could.

After the first performance - which was a small stage to help prepare them for the next big show that was coming up - I knew that Summer is a star. I don't think she even got butterflies nor was she nervous. She and her friends got the most applause too because they are so young and so cute. What can I say - I am addicted too, I can't wait to see her in more performances.

Her real performance included all the girls from her class, four total including Summer. Once again they had a terrific performance, singing and tapping at the right time. Of course they were the cutest act.

The final performance was for a smaller group of seniors, only one other girl showed up - just the two performed, but it didn't matter because it was still just as cute and as good as the other two performances.

Now that it is all over I am just a little bit sad, it was really exciting to watch Summer perform on stage with her friends. I guess I have time to prepare for the next performance this summer, June I think. I already can't wait!

Baking Cookies

2010-12-16T11:19:00.000-08:00

Summer and I baked cookies yesterday - finally. Last year I baked about 15 different batches of cookies, so far this year I have made 2, and one was no bake chocolate. I am trying not to eat as bad as last year, but mostly I just haven't had time to bake. Now that Summer has given up naps I have a little bit more time.

Summer wanted mint cookies, I have mint chips so I modified the Nestle's normal recipe and added about 1/4 c mint chips. I reduced the chips from 2 cups to 1 cups and still used about 1 cup of nuts. They are good, some of the best cookies I have ever made, or we have ever made because Summer did everything with me.

When we scooped the last cookie on the baking sheet I told Summer she could lick the bowl, the mostly empty bowl. She took out the scooping spoon, picked up the big mixing bowl and was about to try to literally lick the insides. Hah, child, use your fingers.

She had one baked cookie and managed to get chocolate all over her hands and face. I don't know how in the world she did that, really, look at this messy face!

She enjoyed it, that is all that matters. I hope to find time to bake a few more batches, I need to give some to the mail lady, yard guys, trash guys, bottled water guy, bug guy ... all those guys.

Singing and Dancing

2010-12-15T14:26:00.000-08:00

We have been busy singing and dancing, singing, singing, dancing, and singing. I have been busy editing video's for youtube, man that takes forever! I think I added about 10 in the last week or two.

Here are a few holiday singing videos at one of the nursing homes we visited.

Sometime last week, because it is all a blur now, we visited Santa Clause. Of course Summer was happy to see him, she went right up to him with her arms open wide.

We also went to a holiday party at our friends house, Santa showed up there too.

Summer told Santa she wanted a hippopotamus for Christmas. I am the lucky mom who has to find a stuffed hippo in the next few days.

Summer danced at her first recital yesterday. Here are two videos from there.

Before and after her performance, which happened to be at Opportunity Village, we took the opportunity to enjoy some of the rides. Here are a few pictures of Summer and her friend Ana, and us last night.

And that catches us up, shew, what a busy week!

Again Nothing

2010-12-08T08:37:00.000-08:00

Here I am today without holiday photos. I really need to schedule time to take some. I have been busy taking photos of other people, poor Summer. Of course she isn't complaining. She might 20 years from now but somehow I doubt it.

I got a video of her yesterday spelling words - she is doing so well, so well in fact we haven't been having school lately. Mostly because I felt like she wasn't having fun and I was really busy - by busy I mean I was on the computer. I might try to start up again in January. I just remember loving playing school when I was young but I guess I was a bit older.

Here is the video, this is the way I taught her to read and spell, with the help of World Word. I bought those foam letters at Albertson's for $1 - I bought three of them, so worth it.

Last night Summer had an extra practice for her dance recital coming up in less than 2 weeks, actually her first performance is on Tuesday. I am amazed with only 2 practices she has the moves down to the song. Maybe she is meant to be a dancer. She is only 3 but her memory always amazes me. I hope it amazes me today when she and her friends sing holiday songs to seniors. We will see!