Traumatized

Yesterday was a very traumatic day for me. While attempting to clip Pepper's fingernails, somehow, I am not exactly sure what happened, but I clipped off the tip of her index finger on her right hand. She immediately started to cry. She cried for about 5 minutes. It bled for about, well it seemed like all day. I wrapped it in tissue after I put some neosporin on it and covered it with a sock. If you can't see it - it isn't there right? My first thought was I wanted to take her to the ER. I realize that would have been crazy but I felt like I broke her and I wanted someone to fix her and give her back. My second thought was I no longer wanted to be a mom because it is too hard and scary. I don't have much choice though now do I? Hurting your baby is just a horrible feeling. I know she won't remember it, the finger tip will grow back, but I still can't move past it yet and it has been over 24 hours. When I was trying to fall asleep last night all I could think about was her bloody fingertip. I have issues with blood :o( But at least I didn't panic, I hugged her and took care of her finger as best I could. I didn't break down until way later!

A few hours later Summer managed to smash two of her fingers in the refrigerator drawer while getting a piece of cheese. I heard her cry, that awful horrible hurt cry, and dropped Pepper on the bed and ran in to her. I told Summer that I had to go to mommy jail because I wasn't a good mom, I hurt Pepper and let her get hurt. I told her she would have to get a new mommy, a better one, and she told me she wanted one that didn't make her pick up her toys. I told her they didn't have any mommies like that. Later she told me not to go that she wanted to me stay :o) Gotta love kids.

Random photos of mostly Pepper, I keep saying I need to take more of Summer but she is never in the mood or her hair is not brushed. We all went and got haircuts today, well all except Pepper. Summer and I really needed it, those ends were not doing us any favors.

Pepper's eyes are starting to change, not sure what color they will be yet, Kris says they are going to be hazel like Summer's, I bet they will be brown like his. I don't remember when Summer's actually changed or how long they took but I hope it is soon.