Depressed

I always thought since I am prone to panic and anxiety attacks that I would never get depression. I have really never been depressed except once, and it wasn't an uncontrollable depression, I had good reasons to be depressed. After having Pepper I quickly learned that breast feeding was not as easy as I had hoped. The pain I experienced over the first 4 weeks was insane. On top of being in pain every time we fed, she wanted to eat all the time, and never seemed satisfied. This resulted in a very annoying baby - one who cried all the time and could never be put down, and one who wanted to constantly eat, which caused me pain. It didn't help that I wasn't getting great sleep, and no one could really help me because she would just cry if someone else held her. I was depressed for about 2 months. I wondered what I had done, why wasn't this baby like my last baby - happy? 4 days before she turned 2 months I decided I was done breast feeding and we switched to formula and the depression started to lift. Cranky annoying baby because mostly happy baby and I now could get help with feedings. It was emotional at first, I had failed, again, I could not say my baby was exclusively breast fed, but at least I was emotionally happy and my baby was doing so much better on formula and the bottle. Sometimes I think back and I wish I had stuck with it longer but there is no guarantee it would have gotten any better, I could still be depressed and my baby might still be annoying and cranky. I guess it worked out for the best, I learned a lot about myself and the horrible sides of breast feeding. More than likely the pain from breast feeding was due to an improper latch, one I could not correct over the two month period, and trust me, we tried! I saw a lactation consultant 2 or 3 times and she would also put Pepper on correctly but once I got home it would just not work. The improper latch probably also caused Pepper to be hungry, maybe because she wasn't getting enough? I don't know exactly, Pepper is also on a sensitive formula so maybe the crying had to do with a food sensitivity. Today I can say that she is thriving on formula, she is happy, I am happy, life is much better. Just yesterday Pepper decided that she would start rolling. She has rolled a few times before but yesterday was a marathon, I lost count at how many times she went from back to tummy, and today she even went from tummy back to back. I guess we will be jumping into the next stage pretty soon - crawling! Speaking of jumping, here are a few pictures of a very happy Summer jumping into the bulls eye!