New Friends and Food

Summer made a new little green friend today. Have I ever mentioned how thrilled I am that my daughter is not afraid to pick up green crawly critters? Not afraid one bit! In fact we had about 4 or 5 of these green inchworms near our house in the flowerbed and Summer happily relocated them to the another flower bed and named one of them Daisy or something.


And in totally unrelated news ... I am still waiting on my garden to give me some food. I want a plump red juicy tomato and some onions and squash and ... well I haven't planted the okra just yet, maybe tomorrow, but I want okra too! The food all seems to all be getting bigger slowly, I blame the mild spring we are having!





As far as a pregnancy update, nothing new is happening. I am still sick but I guess not as bad. I go pee before I get in bed, again after being in bed about 10 minutes, usually again before I fall asleep, once or twice during the middle of the night, and as soon as I get up. I don't know how that is possible because I am not drinking as much water as I should be. I might if I felt better! I am ignoring the whole shot issue for now and just hoping for the best. I suppose my stomach is getting bigger, I had to buy a pair of maternity jeans for a trip to Colorado this coming week. I have a feeling Colorado is a bit cooler than Nevada. I do not have my energy back either, only about half. I want to do things but can't make myself do them. I shouldn't complain because I have started to feel *things* moving around inside my uterus and it is kinda neat and very reassuring. I keep thinking that I am imagining it but it is the baby moving and doing whatever babies do when they are in there. In just 24 more weeks, which sounds a lot like forever, I just might have a new baby to play with!

Adventures in Bonnie Springs

Today at the very last minute possible we decided to take a trip to Bonnie Springs. Bonnie Springs is 5 miles past Red Rock and has a petting zoo, horse rides, an old western town, and a restaurant. Kris decided we should take his car and ride with the top down. It was very windy but an enjoyable ride with sun screen, sunglasses and hair bandanas.

There really wasn't much to pet but it did have a few cool things. In fact this one was running around loose and actually came up to me and ate some of my shirt, luckily it didn't rip it since I only have 4 maternity shirts. Can you guess what it is? I was actually surprised to see it myself.

After we finished with the animal part we went to the western town where I somehow managed to take zero pictures. It was really neat looking but I guess I just felt fat, bloated, a little sick, and the best I could do was walk without tripping so taking pictures was not on my mind. We did see two little western skits that Summer did not quite understand, but it was still enjoyable and the weather was nice.

We were hungry so we headed to the little restaurant and had an enjoyable and decently priced lunch. I had a pretty good burger if I do say so myself - my thing lately is hamburgers (bun, meat, cheese, tomato, lettuce, pickle - everything but the onion). After we left the restaurant we saw turtles and peacocks. I don't know what my deal is with photographing turtles either ...


As we were headed back to the car one of the ranch employees had a nice large snake that she had just caught! It was a rat snake and I knew that it was not poisonous and ate small mammals like rats and birds. I almost asked to hold it, and was thinking about putting it across Summer's shoulders to get a good picture but then I realized that probably wasn't a good idea because even though this cool looking reptile was not poisonous and didn't have fangs, it did have teeth and a mouth and would still bite. I took a picture of the lady holding it instead. Doesn't she just look super cool, at least what you can see of her anyway.

And that, my friends, is the extent of my photo journalism today. Eventually I will feel better, or, worse case in 25 more weeks I will deliver a baby and feel better, until then ...

Some Summer

Finally I took pictures of my favorite daughter! She even mostly sorta cooperated. She had a little trouble staying still but she is only 3 so I can't really blame her.

Here she is swinging and looking cute.

Here she is making her mean face, so if you see this face you better run because it means she is mad or something ...

This is her cute pose, no clue where she gets these faces either.

Here she is jumping, which is what she was doing most of the time while I kept asking her to come sit and take pictures. She loves that trampoline and I really hope it is doing her core good!

I feel like she has changed so much in photos. To me her hair looks blonder and so much longer. Of course she was a mess tonight, her hair was in a ponytail but had mostly fallen, we had painted and she had paint and glitter all over herself, and she didn't bother to wipe the dinner from her chin, but I didn't mine because she is still so very cute! I need to take more pictures!

What Would YOU Do?

If you were me and you had two different doctors, both who seem to care for you, telling you two different things, what would you do?

My specialists is telling me I have two genetic genes that have a problem. There is a potential for blood clotting which could cause miscarriages, stillbirths, not enough blood getting to the baby causing growth issues and pre-eclamsia. To fix this issue I would need to take a shot of levonox daily until 36 weeks. It is unclear whether these shots will really help but it certainly won't hurt the unborn baby I guess.

Hurting me is another issue. I don't know of too many people who enjoy giving themselves daily shots. Of course there are risk with using this drug too, bruising, bleeding internally, and I could go on - but regardless of the risk, remember I am a hypochondriac and it will be a pregnancy of torture to take these shots. Not to mention an ugly bruised belly.

The specialist said if it was his family member he would have them take the shots. Oh the guilt! He is a specialist, very highly trained and has a lot of letters behind his name. No doubt he really thinks it will help.

My OB doctor, who does not specialize in High Risk or even OB, has never heard of these genes because they are so new. What little he could look up about it didn't help convince him that shots would really help. Of course he doesn't live and breath high risk pregnancies either, but he is still an intelligent doctor.

If it was up to me I would rather let things be as they are. I don't want to take shots and ruin this happy pregnancy, not that it has been happy yet, I am still sick, but I was hoping I would be better soon. I don't want to harm this baby but I also don't want to be under constant anxiety during the rest of the pregnancy either. Summer made it fine without shots, can't this one make it too?

I told the specialist I would think about it and he told me to at least let him know what he decided. At first I didn't mind being high risk but now look where I am, stuck between taking shots and not. All because I turned 35 in April! If only I had never had the extra high risk blood work, but I did, and now I know.

I think I am going to call the OB guy on Monday and ask him if he did any more research and see if he still feels the same way. Then I have to make a decision. I am leaning on having a bit of faith in my body and this baby and hoping for the best without shots. What would you do?

Good Appointment, Mostly

Today I finally saw the doctor who will deliver this baby. He is a very nice guy :o) The appointment went as planned, the nurse checked my blood pressure, took my temperature and checked my weight. 112/76, pulse 100+ (which is normal for me), temperature was 99.6 (which is also normal for me), weight was 135.2 which means I have somehow gained 4 pounds. The nurse also listened to the baby's heartbeat, 150. It didn't take her very long to find it, in fact I wondered if she had found mine instead but mine doesn't normally go that high, normally. I then went to see the doctor in the next room. The first thing I noticed was the bright red HIGH RISK sticker on the outside of my chart. Whatever. Rewind a week or two ...
The high risk clinic off base requested additional blood work 2 weeks ago to check for blood issues. I never heard back from them and figured it was all good, well it wasn't and it is. The doctor today got those results and could not understand them. He could not understand because the blood work requested is so new that he had never heard of it. Apparently the results said I have some sort of genetic blood thing that could cause me to have blood clotting or something. The other doctor requested me to be on a blood thinner, a shot I would have to take myself in my stomach. This shot would make me bruise easy and have horrible hypochondriac issues, not to mention the wonderful side effects, like the chances for internal bleeding. My doctor today however said that this test is so new that the verdict is still out on whether the shots actually helps. He wants to look into it more, find out the sources and for now we both decided that shots were not in my best interest. Shew. Then he did another ultrasound just to check and see how things looked. The baby was still there, squiggling all around, the heart beat was 158 this time. He tried to see between the legs but this baby had its legs together. He said if he had to guess from what he could see he would guess a girl, so ... it still might probably be a girl. He will see me again in 4 weeks and until then I guess I just hang out and go back to the gym. He was all for the gym. Of course I would love for my morning sickness to completely leave first, any day now, I am in my second trimester you stupid morning sickness! Summer would say, Mom we don't say stupid but you know what, this sickness is STUPID! Ok honestly it seems like it is getting better, I can at least make dinner most nights, not always eat it, but that is ok too.
Lastly I had to pick up some medical records at the hospital for my other appointment tomorrow. Ya the appointment with the off base cardio guy. I went to the cardiologist on base to request my records, since I had the testing done there, and had a heck of a time getting them. I guess it was over 5 years ago, February/March 2006 since I had the test - but still. After waiting I had to go to the actual record area and wait again to get the ER records from my SVT attack. More on that tomorrow after I see the cardiology guy.
Now I am at home, I heard the baby today, saw the baby today, I do not have to take shots, I have my cardio records for tomorrow, I stopped by McDonald's and grabbed a breakfast burrito for $1.08, life at this moment is good. In about an hour a bunch of friends are coming over to eat with me and play with Summer.

Mental Illnesses

No one likes to talk about how weird they are, or I honestly think it is how normal they are, since so many people have some mental illness these days. When I was in my early 20's I was a normal healthy girl who never had a worry, until I moved to a different state, transferred jobs, bought a house, and found myself in the ER having a panic attack. Just like that I had a prescription for xanax, valium, and paxil. That is a lot of medication with strange letters, like the letter X and V. Not that that means anything ...

Over a short time I became medicated to deal with it and turned into a walking talking living zombie. I truly believe I am also a bit ADHD, without the ADD, mostly just the H, but Paxil took that away. My husband hated the new me, I didn't notice. What I did do while on Paxil was join a gym and went 4-5 times a week and started college, something I always wanted to do but was never able to conceive because it was going to take 4 years. So while having a panic attack is not something I would wish on someone else, it did end up being a blessing for me.

After having the initial panic attack, I only had 1 or 2 more of those, unfortunately I had several anxiety attacks until being medicated. After 8 months on Paxil I felt like I was ready to wean myself and see if I could manage my mental issues by myself. The doctor discouraged it if you can believe it. I cut myself off cold, which is a big no no when taking medication like that but I didn't know. I remember feeling spacey and nauseous but it didn't last long. Even off the medication I continued going to the gym and I finished my getting my batchelor degree. I also managed to stay sane without the medication.

Several years later and I am medication and panic attack free. It didn't happen overnight, I had to really work with it, conquer my fear of dying and random other fears. I am not left unscathed however, now I have something new to live with, something just as fun! Now I am a Hypochondriac. I capitalized it for the dramatic effect.

It doesn't affect me like the panic attacks, it only randomly bugs me. I have also never been officially diagnosed nor am I on any medication for it. Instead I just worry more than a normal person I guess. One time Summer was complaining about her stomach hurting. She was bent over on the floor. Kris said it was probably gas, I was pretty sure her guts were twisted and we were going to quickly end up in the ER undergoing major surgery. She farted and she was all better. Anytime I feel anything strange, a sharp pain here that lasted a second and never came back, I know it is some sort of cancer that will end up quickly killing me. Luckily I don't have that many strange short lasting pains I guess :o) and even better at least I don't worry about it, I made my peace with the fear of dying thing when I was having my anxiety attacks so even if I reckon I am going to die at least I am not afraid. I have a great life and I live life to the fullest and I think that helps.

The worse part, for me is taking a pill. I start to develop the symptoms on the paper whenever I take pills. Antibiotics, Tylenol, anything but a vitamin causes me a lot of unnecessary stress. Let's just say I avoid taking pills as best I can. Oh and if you want to mess with me, tell me I don't look good. I was working out at the gym with a friend one time and she looked at me and said, do you feel ok, you don't look good. I felt fine until she said that! I started to panic because it is obvious when you are about to have a stroke or a heart attack that your friend will be able to see it before you feel it.

I think it might run in my family too because my mom is also a bit of a hypochondriac. She also doesn't panic so it isn't a big deal for her either. We manage and for the most part it is just a part of who we are, weird, which makes us normal.

14 Weeks & Boys

No Aunt Wendy my belly is not smaller now than when I was pregnant with Summer, in fact I am actually bigger, more rounder, more belly. At 14 weeks with Summer I had a pooch but I didn't really have a baby stomach. See for yourself!

And I started this pregnancy 10 pounds lighter and I haven't gained more than a few pounds. Well maybe 3 or 4, maybe 5 ...

Little Boys.

My husband is a great dad, a great father. He stayed home when I went back to work and took care of our 6 week old daughter by himself. He fed her, changed her diapers, put her to sleep, got her dressed, bathed her. This got me to thinking, if I have a baby boy he is going to have a baby doll complete with clothes, bottles, a crib, well he can use Summer's crib. Why wouldn't I want a little baby boy to learn how to love a sweet baby. Why wouldn't I want a son to learn how to change a doll and feed it. Why are so many people against little boys playing with dolls, don't they want them to grow up and be good loving dads?

And my son, if I have one, will play with a toy kitchen. I want my son to learn how to cook. And he will have a toy vacuum and a toy broom because I want him to learn how to clean. He will not have toy guns or toy swords because I don't see any reason to teach my little boy how to be violent.

Of course I will probably have another little girl but who really knows. What do I want? Well I thought I wanted a little girl and when the doctor said he thought it might be I thought, maybe I want a boy instead. Not that I get to pick but I will be happy with either. A boy would just be a new challenge, what kind of photo shoots could I do? But then again I never had a sister and I would love if Summer could have one. Girl names are easier too. Oh it doesn't matter, I will find out July 5th, I can wait, it isn't that long!