On closer inspection!

After careful examination ... or on closer inspection, or upon a thorough review, well you get the idea, I have decided to KEEP her! Sorry - Warning - a LOT of pictures! You only thought you have seen her before :o)

It's almost Christmas!

I think we are ready! We have a party tonight, Santa will be there :o) as well as lots of good friends and yummy food, and the girls are both ready - at least I think they are.




Summer and I are baking chocolate chip cookies, eating the dough, Pepper is sleeping. I should be taking a shower and getting ready!

Where are we now

I have been feeling so much better lately, well mostly. I am still on antibiotics for another week in hopes that my clogged milk duct goes away. I am not really hopeful but wishful! I decided a few days ago to start supplementing with formula and WOW what a difference. My little Pepper is a good baby after all. I know there are so many moms who are totally against formula when you have a working pair of boobs but a happy baby is really important to me, and you can ask Kris, Papa, and Summer, on formula she is a different baby. On just breast milk she never seemed happy or satisfied. She constantly cried and I was always trying to find a way to keep her happy, nursing, letting her suck to pacify her, and somehow I managed to stay sane for 7 weeks, but after the trouble with my right breast I decided to let it dry up and just nurse with the right and supplement with formula. Right now I am still nursing mostly all night on the left side and she is still sleeping wonderfully next to me, during the day I let her nurse and when she isn't completely happy I get her a bottle. I am pumping from the right side to see if it might heal up, it still has a scab on the nipple from her horrible latch in the beginning. Well I also don't think she latches on that side correctly, maybe because of the engorged clog on the side or the sore on the nipple, whatever the case is I feel 1000% better now because it was really painful when she would nurse on that side. I would really like to do both, can I have my cake and eat it too? Formula during the day, nursing at night? Of course I am also using the formula that was recently recalled in the news- but I am still using samples that aren't new so hopefully they were prior to the ones with issues and hopefully the samples come back negative so other people don't have to worry. I normally use Similac too, but I had this sample sitting around.

Enough about me and my issues, here are pictures of my fabulous baby girl, happy, smiling, cute, lovely!





I need to try some pictures with Christmas lights, I need to get creative and look at some ideas!~ stay tuned.

Darling Summer

Darling Summer,

You are my sunshine and I haven't forgot about you. Lately you have been so helpful. You are having fun with Pepper, you don't mind her crying, and you certainly don't mind her dirty diapers. You have had such a busy month with choir and dance rehearsals and performances, I don't know how you manage to do it but I am glad that you enjoy it. Christmas is almost here and you helped me decorate the tree, make flour ornaments, decorate gingerbread houses, and shop for gifts. You asked Santa for a baby doll and a train set this year, and then you told me the Santa at the mall wasn't real - he was just a guy dressed up in a suit. You continue to amaze me on a daily basis, you are so smart. If I had one wish for you it would be that you could brush your own hair to avoid that drama each morning but I know it won't be much longer...





I love you to pieces, this big, even when you make me mad or get in trouble, especially now that I have a new baby, even when you are sleeping, of course when you are playing in your room and I always will. You will always be my favorite Summer, my first, and special to me. I love you :o)

Ouch the Pain

Clogged milk ducts can be a part of breast feeding, and infected clogged milk ducts (mastitis) can also be a part of it - at least it is a part of it for me. I am now on heavy skin antibiotics in hopes that it clears up on its own so I don't need surgery. I went to the hospital last Friday to complete of all Pepper's paperwork and we saw the doctor about my clogged duct, which hurts really bad, went back Monday and had an ultrasound to make sure it wasn't an abscess, back on Wednesday to talk to the surgeon and I go back tomorrow for my 6 week follow-up. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate driving to the hospital near base? Besides being really far away the parking is insane, and I guess they are working on it but until then it sucks finding a spot.

Breastfeeding may be the natural, better choice but it sure is a lot more complicated, painful, ...

Surprisingly most of the doctors, techs, and nurses are all very supportive of breastfeeding, even the guys. When they meet us and Pepper is crying they tell me their son was the same way and their wife had the same problems, etc. I guess it comes with the territory.

Here are some photos of my little monkey, is she worth it?

Things are going

1) Thank you to the person that invented the moby, it is a strange long piece of material, however it is amazing at putting a new baby to sleep - I have no clue why but it doesn't matter because it works. Too bad it kills my back!

2) Thank you to the person that invited the vacuum, who knew it could be used for more than cleaning, today Pepper successfully took a small nap in the swing while I vacuumed the floor. It was short, maybe 15 minutes, but my floor looks so much better.

3) Thank you pacifier, pappy, paci, you have many names, and even though you aren't being used as much as I would like you still give me an occasional break.

Overall I would say we are doing better - I feel like I understand this little person just a tad bit more than I did. She has moved into a new phase that is easier to understand. She doesn't cry all the time anymore, she is actually alert some.

I haven't really taken many photos, I guess I just haven't found a good time when she is happy so these will have to do.


I need to do a shoot with Summer, she is sure growing up and changing into a little girl.

Sisters

Summer has been a happy, loving, sweet big sister for 1 whole month. She still loves it, and isn't even bothered at all by the crying. And there is a lot of crying! The crying seems to be getting better though.



You can't tell in these photos I guess, but she does seem happier. And she must be getting bigger, she can hardly fit into newborn clothes anymore! Happy one month Pepper!

Nursing

I have managed to nurse my little girl for one month! I would love to say it was a beautiful experience, and so natural and easy, but I will be completely honest, it was the worse pain - torture, I have ever experienced in my life. Initially she would latch and it would feel like knives stabbing me over and over for 30+ minutes. I ended up with blisters on my nipples, cracks, bruises, it was just ugly. Not to mention when they thought I had mastitis, a duct infection, that actually ended up being engorgement, when your milk comes in and your breast get engorged. Natural right, really, then why was it so complicated and painful?

The only initial positive was sleeping at night, for the most part we sleep well, I let her latch, we lay in bed together and fall asleep. Yes you aren't really suppose to sleep together but I couldn't see any other way to get her asleep and I was concerned about me getting sleep too. I am a light sleeper and sleep on my side and back so I wasn't worried about smothering her, and at least when she is next me I can hear her breathing and make sure she is covered up and warm.

Let's talk about nursing in public, I had no clue how that would work but wow where have I not nursed? I have nursed in Red Robin, the thrift store, the mall, the dental office, my car, dance class, the hospital, Babies R Us, just about most places I go I have had to nurse. I did just get a moby, a huge wrap that secures the baby next to your body, and that seems to be helping the constant need to nurse every hour so that may limit my public nursing.

I guess it will continue to get easier, she will get older, want to nurse less, have more interest in other things besides nursing and sleeping ... or so I hope. We have a busy month ahead thanks to Summer, dance and choir performances, rehearsals for the performances, Christmas and everything that comes with it. I am staying positive and setting my self another goal, to nurse pepper to 2 months! I think I can do it.

Pepper on Thanksgiving Day. She actually slept the entire time we ate, wasn't that nice!

Taking her second bath. I want to consider it her first because the first bath I gave her was a disaster. I think I had the water too cold and she cried the entire time.

Taken yesterday hanging out while I was on the computer.

Doing what she loves, nursing!

Still

Today we went to the doctor for Pepper's 2 week check up, she is actually 18 days old. She is still a little yellow but nothing to be concerned with, and her weight is up to 7 pounds, 1 1/4 ounces. She is almost back to her birth weight of 7 pounds, 3 ounces, so the doctor was happy. Plus she continues to nurse, yes can you believe it, I am still breastfeeding. I still have a little bit of pain but only when she first latches on, and it isn't nearly as bad as it was before. I am amazed I have stuck with it so long, and I have had to nurse around friends and in public, well at Summer's dance class - and it is working. Of course she nurses 24x7 if I let her, she uses the nipple to fall asleep so I am working on that, well actually I haven't done anything about it but I wish I knew of a way to make her happy without needing me to fall asleep - eventually, she is still so young.

Overall things are going good - I really have adjusted to having a very needy baby, I allow myself to watch tv in the afternoon now and not feel too guilty about not being able to play with Summer. Honestly I hate this age, so fragile, so delicate, I can't wait for 6 months but I am trying to enjoy her while I can, my last baby!

Here is a video I took yesterday while getting ready, it helps show how cute my little needy baby really is :o)

And because I know how much you miss seeing Summer, here is a video from today while we were nursing at the hospital, you know because we were there so long we had to stop and nurse, and since Pepper takes a good half hour to nurse ... anyway Summer doesn't really have a phone that works, she doesn't have text and to my knowledge doesn't know how to text if she had it, at least I hope.

Day 9

I think today is day 9 ... really I can't keep the days straight. Not that I am not sleeping, I mean of course not all night but most days I feel rested. I am still trying to get into a routine, still trying to heal, and still trying to breastfeed. Breastfeeding, who knew that would be so challenging! Summer has been absolutely perfect, no jealous, quiet, easy with Pepper, and Pepper has been, well we are still figuring her out. I breastfed her for 7 days and then on the 8th day I had to have a break, the pain was just too much so we gave her formula/breast milk combo and she seemed so much more content. I am still pumping and I fed her again last night until I completely make up my mind to switch her to formula. I don't mind bottle feeding but I can't see myself pumping and using a bottle, there is just so much work doing that. I remember I pumped 3 weeks with Summer and besides feeding her the bottle and turning around and pumping, it was just too much time. Besides both of my nipples (I know, too much information) are bleeding, have blisters and look sad. Not to mention how much they hurt. Yet I continue to torture myself because I want to say I gave it my all, tried to heal them up and see if things change, at least for another week maybe?

Anyway I have really felt good today, good enough to try a photo shoot. It was not easy. Pepper was very cooperative but I had trouble finding poses. I need to get inspired and look at some examples, maybe in another day or two. At least I am training her early right? Here she is, as cute as a button, and all the spicy!









Thanks to daddy for helping with the pictures, isn't he so sweet!